Page 77 of After the Siren
Stavs handed back the phone back and Jake opened the album.
He hesitated. ‘They’re ... are you sure you wanna?’
Something in Stavs’ face got determined. ‘Yes.’
Jake put his head back on Stavs’ thigh because it was very comfortable.
Stavs made little noises of outrage every now and again. ‘This is fucked,’ he said, finally. ‘You shouldn’t have to deal with this.’
Jake sighed. ‘It’s chill, seriously. I just screenshot it and block people.’
Stavs made another unhappy noise.
‘I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to come out,’ Jake said. He didn’t want to look at Stavs’ face. He didn’t want to see what Stavs was thinking.
‘Yeah?’
‘Like, not now, obviously.’ He wasn’t sure what he wanted Stavs to say. To agree with him? To tell him that heshouldcome out?
‘The team would have your back,’ Stavs said.
‘Yeah, but I’m not the right person to be first, you know? I’m not, like, a model gay. But maybe if nothing happens in the next couple of years, it’s better than nothing.’
‘A model gay?’
‘Yeah, like ... people are gonna say shit about it, right? Because it’s me.’
‘I think they’d say shit about it no matter who it is. The mainstream media won’t be too bad. There’s a code of conduct.’
‘Full Forwardwill do a skit about me taking it up the ass though. And ...’ He hesitated. ‘I don’t know. I wanna think that guys wouldn’t say shit on the field. But they’re gonna say shit on the field, and it’s gonna suck.’
Stavs winced. ‘Probably.’
It was kind of comforting, the way Stavs didn’t try to tell him he was wrong. It wasn’t like it had been a decade ago; probably most guys wouldn’t care. Some would, though. The media probably wouldn’t askHow do you feel about sharing a locker room with a gay guy?But there were lots of questions that were more subtly homophobic.Is it a distraction? Why do you have to make a big deal out of this?All that sort of shit. Like people came out because they wanted a fucking gift basket.
‘It shits me, you know,’ Jake said. ‘I never told anyone I was straight. But if I do anything gay, it’s gonna be a shitshow. People will say I want the attention.’
Stavs ducked his head and pressed a kiss to Jake’s hair. ‘You do like attention,’ he said, gently teasing.
‘Mm,’ Jake agreed. ‘You gonna give me some?’
He still wasn’t sure what he’d wanted Stavs to say about coming out. Stavs hadn’t said it, whatever it was. But it was a rainy afternoon, and they were in bed together, and Jake had a lot of practice not thinking about coming out.
Stavs handed the phone back. ‘Reading those didn’t really put me in the mood.’
Jake pouted. ‘Fine. You can help me sort them. Sometimes it’s kinda hard to tell who’s being threatening and who’s hitting on me. Is “suck my dick pretty boy” abuse or an invitation?’
‘Is there a question mark?’
‘Does that matter?’
‘I think it’s the difference between ...’ Stavs assumed what was supposed to be a threatening look. ‘“Suck my dick, pretty boy.”’Then he adopted an expression that really made the most of his eyelashes. ‘And “Suck my dick, pretty boy?”’
‘Yeah, but those were both kinda hot,’ Jake said, putting his phone aside. ‘Maybe you should order me around more.’
Theo snorted. ‘You hate doing what you’re told.’
‘Only when I don’t wanna do it.’ Jake sat up, but only so he could throw a leg over Stavs’ thighs and straddle him. It made him a bit taller and Stavs looked up at him, smiling. It was a strange smile. Soft.
