Page 59 of After the Siren
‘Fuck,’ Theo said, once he was capable of speech. ‘That was ...’ He realised that Jake had a hand down his boxers and that made him lose track of what he was going to say. He watched Jake’s hand move, watched the way Jake’s eyes dropped shut as he twisted his wrist. He needed see Jake looking just as wrecked as he felt.
‘Take those off,’ Theo said.
‘Bossy.’ Jake didn’t sound like he thought that was a bad thing.
He wriggled out of his boxers and tossed them off the bed.
Theo didn’t know if there was such a thing as looking too much. But he wanted to look, because he might not get to see Jake like this again, flushed and sex-rumpled, his dick hard and leaking against his stomach. He wanted to make sure he remembered it, even if it would probably be safer to forget.
‘Like what you see?’ Jake said, knowing the answer, and Theo had to kiss him to shut him up, then kiss him some more for the hell of it. Jake might have had the upper hand before, but he wanted it just as much as Theo had; he hitched one leg over Theo’s hip so he could press closer, grinding against Theo’s thigh.
Theo rolled them again, pressing Jake down on the bed by his shoulders, and then shifted so he was on all fours above Jake, looking his fill.
‘That’s mean,’ Jake panted. He reached for his dick and Theo knocked his hand away.
‘Be patient.’
‘Don’t wanna.’
Theo had to kiss him again, then, hard and sloppy. Had to kiss his mouth, then his neck, then down to the tattoo on his hip. Had to trace that with his tongue. Had to put his mouth on Jake’s abs, the inside of his thigh, and ...
Theo didn’t freak out. Hedidn’t.It was just ... his brain still felt like it had melted and dripped out of his ears, and now he was abruptly certain that he was going to be terrible at blowjobs. He was going to give Jake a terrible blowjob, and Jake would have to be nice about it because he would know that Theo had never given anyone a blowjob before, and —
‘Stavs?’ Jake asked.
Theo realised that he’d sort of frozen in place. Staring at Jake’s dick.
‘I’m good,’ Theo said.
‘You’re staring at my dick like it’s gonna bite you.’
It would be poor form not to reciprocate; Jake had pretty much obliterated Theo’s central nervous system. Theowantedto reciprocate. Except he also didn’t, and he was stuck, tangled up in all of it. The wanting and the not-wanting, all at once. Thefeeling that heshoulddo it washing away the fact that he wanted to.
‘Stavs?’ Jake carded his fingers through Theo’s hair and Theo looked up at him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I’m not . . . I . . .’
‘Come back up here,’ Jake told him, giving his hair a gentle tug. Theo went, and Jake shuffled back to prop himself up against the headboard. He nudged Theo back so they were sitting almost side by side, facing one another.
‘You’re freaking out,’ Jake said. There was something in his voice that hit an answering chord in Theo’s brain. Not quite fear, but something a little like it.
‘Not because of ...’ Theo gestured at the two of them.
‘Okay,’ Jake said.
Theo was suddenly aware that they weren’t touching anymore. He reached for Jake’s hand and intertwined their fingers. It was too intimate, maybe, toomuchfor whatever they were doing, but some of the tension drained out of Jake’s shoulders.
‘I’m ... stressed about not being good at it,’ Theo admitted. Jake burst out laughing.
Theo tried to pull his hand away and Jake wouldn’t let him. Theo pulled harder, which only meant that he yanked Jake into his lap.
‘You’re ... I ...’ Jake started, grinning at him. In this position they were eye to eye.
Theo glared, because he was beingvulnerableand Jake waslaughing,but then Jake’s hands were on his shoulder and he was leaning in for a quick kiss, just a chaste press of his lips.
‘Stavs,’ Jake said, very seriously. ‘You’re an idiot.’
‘I just ...’ He didn’t have the right words.
