Page 48 of After the Siren
‘That’s . . . so do you.’
Jake snorted. ‘I mean, not really. I’m not bitching about it. This is what I’ve always wanted to do. But you could do heaps of things. Why does ithaveto work out?’
‘It’s hard to explain.’
‘I’ve got nowhere better to be,’ Jake told him, taking another sip of beer and gesturing at the beach around them.
‘I didn’t pick up a footy until I was fifteen,’ Stavs said, staring up at the sky. There were a few patchy clouds racing across the sun above them. ‘I did athletics, and one day the footy coach came up to me after training and asked if I’d ever thought about playing footy. I was a bit bored, so I said I’d try it.’
Jake could imagine a footy coach spotting a teenaged Stavs doing the high jump or whatever and being unable to believe his luck.
‘My parents liked us – my siblings and me – doing sport as an extracurricular, but they didn’t think about it as a serious thing. They’re both academics in medical fields, and they wanted us all to work towards getting good jobs, being financially stable, allthat. So sport was only part of being well-rounded, something for job interviews.’ Stavs sounded almost defensive. ‘They’re good parents. But they can be set in their ways.’
Stavs shifted and sat up, crossing his legs. He cast a longing look at Jake’s beer and Jake offered it to him. To his surprise, Stavs took it, and Jake tried not to notice the way his lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle, the line of his throat as he swallowed. He handed the beer back and Jake took a sip as well.
‘I loved footy from my very first training session,’ Stavs said, his smile a little sad. ‘It was ... it’s such a weird game when you haven’t grown up watching it, but it wasfun. It didn’t make any sense, but I loved it. And I was good at it, too. I didn’t really think about the AFL until I was in the under-18s and suddenly people were asking me about nominating myself for the draft.’ Theo swiped the beer from Jake and took another sip.
‘You can have that one,’ Jake told him, and got himself another.
Sharing was going to give him ideas.
‘My parents talked me out of it. So I went to uni and did an Arts degree and played in the VFL. But I kept thinking about putting my name in for the rookie draft, seeing if I could make it work. So I did, finally, and then instead of starting my JD full time, I got drafted.’ He laughed, but not as though anything was funny. ‘My parents were ... well, they didn’t shout or anything, they’re not like that, but they made it clear they thought I was making a big mistake. They just don’t take footy seriously, you know.’
Jake didn’t know, because his mum took footy more seriously than almost anything else, but he could get it on an abstract level.
‘And then last year it was like they were proven right. That it was a stupid idea. I fought with them for so long to try toconvince them that this was worthwhile, and Sarah and I broke up because I wouldn’t leave Australia, and I just ... I want to prove to them that I cando this.That I haven’tfailed.’
His voice wavered on the last word and Jake hesitated, then shifted so they were sitting closer together, their shoulders touching as well as their wrists. Stavs leaned back into him, just a little.
‘Would ... I mean, even if you were voted All-Australian or whatever, would that convince them?’ Jake asked.
Stavs looked, briefly, absolutely miserable. Jake cursed himself for not sending Xen in his place.
‘I’m not saying it wouldn’t,’ he said quickly. ‘I just mean ...’ What the fuck did he mean? ‘You thought footy was a worthwhile thing to do, and I think you’re right, and heaps of other people think you’re right. So maybe they’re just wrong, and you can’t really do anything to stop them being wrong, so you’ve gotta do this for yourself and fuck what anyone else thinks.’
Stavs gave him a look. ‘You say that like it’s easy.’
‘I know it’s not, but ...’ He wished he was better with words. He wished he could say something to fix this, to get Stavs untangled from all this bullshit. Wished Stavs could read his mind, for a few moments, so he’d just get what Jake wanted to say.
Although he didn’t want Stavs readingtoomuch of his mind.
‘Look,’ he said finally, conscious that he sounded like his mum. ‘You had the balls to give this a shot, even when people told you not to. You got drafted, and you’ve played at the highest level – that’s notfailing.You’ve kinda already made it. And if you decide you don’t like it after all, or if it doesn’t work out, you can go off and make bank doing something else. But you’re here now, and you tried real fucking hard to get here, so maybe you’ve just gotta let yourself have some fun. Because not many peopleget to do this, and it doesn’t matter what your parents think, or what I think, it matters whatyouthink. And I think you want to play this game because you love it, and you’re fuckinggoodat it, and you’ve just got to get out of your own fucking way.’
Stavs blinked at him, and Jake’s cheeks felt a bit hot. Was heblushing? He’d never blushed in his life, but he also wasn’t sure he’d said that many words in a row before. Stavs was looking at him intensely, like he’d never really seen Jake properly before. Which wasn’t helping the whole blushing situation.
‘Sorry,’ Jake said, fiddling with his fidget ring. ‘Pep talks aren’t really my thing.’
‘It was actually pretty good.’ Stavs was smiling properly now.
‘Really?’
‘Really,’ Stavs said, putting his beer aside. ‘Sorry, that was a lot to unload on you.’
‘All good,’ Jake said. ‘Thanks for talking.’ That didn’t feel like enough. ‘I get that it was hard to talk about. I’m glad you ... trusted me.’
Stavs blew out a breath. ‘You want to share a deeply personal secret to make me feel better?’
‘Kinda did that already.’
