Page 42 of After the Siren
Jake grabbed another card before the situation could get even more out of hand – under Greg’s oblivious fucking nose.
‘What’s the most romantic place in the world?’
‘I think any place in the world can be romantic if you’re with the right person,’ Stavs said.
‘Gross.’ Except it wasn’t. It really was romantic.
Stavs picked the next card. ‘Best date you’ve ever been on.’
That put out Jake’s good mood like a wet blanket over a campfire. ‘Nah, too hard to pick,’ he said. ‘Don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.’ He winked at the camera and didn’t look at Stavs, because Stavs would know he was a fucking liar.
The questions continued. Jake was pretty sure the published video would be just what Greg wanted: a bit of banter between teammates, some low-key thirst content, nothing that the main body of the supporter base would dislike. Very safe.
Jake fucking hated it.
Jake was silent as they walked back towards the foyer. That was ominous. Jake wasneversilent. Theo didn’t think anyone watching the video would notice Jake’s face had shuttered when Theo had asked about the best date he’d ever been on. Theo might not have noticed a month ago, but at some point he’d just started noticing things about Jake.
It had occurred to Theo, as Jake’s smile had shifted from real to fake, that Jake might not have gone on dates with anyone except his ex. Hell, maybe he hadn’t even gone on dates with his ex – Jake might not have wanted to risk being seen on a date.
Was it possible that Jake Cunningham hadnever been on a date? The possibility was enough to distract Theo from having told him ‘Your eyes are like the ocean’.(What the fuck.) There was something fundamentally wrong with a world where Jake Cunningham couldn’t go on a date. He was the sort of person who’dlikedating.
‘Want to grab a coffee?’ Theo asked, as they approached the main doors.
‘Sure,’ Jake said.
The silence continued while they walked. It was unsettling.
They ended up at Jane Orangutan. The staff knew all the Falcons players, but they maintained their allegiance to the Collingwood Currawongs. Theo ordered for them both while Jake grabbed his favourite booth. After a moment of deliberation, Theo got Jake one of the weird peanut-butter protein balls he liked. When he reached the table, Jake was staring at his water glass rather than scrolling. Even more ominous.
The silence continued through the arrival of the coffee. Theo decided to drink his coffee and not ask any questions. It was a strategy Priya sometimes used on him when she wanted him to spit something out.
‘Kyle and I didn’t really get to go on dates,’ Jake said to his latte, after a few minutes. He hadn’t drunk any of it. ‘We went out and stuff, but we weren’t coupley, you know.’
‘You don’t have to talk about it. But you can.’
Jake took a sip of the coffee, then pushed it away. ‘It ... I don’t know. It was ... I just ...’ He trailed off again, looking out the window.
Theo let the silence unfold between them again, trying to make it clear that he was listening but not pushing. That Jake could change the subject if he wanted to. Except somehow it was important that Jakedidn’tchange the subject. Theo wanted Jake to trust him with whatever it was that was bothering him. Wanted to make it better, if he could.
‘I thought he meant it,’ Jake told the protein ball. ‘When we first got together he said he got that I wouldn’t come out, and he didn’t mind. He said he could wait, that he wouldn’t push. I believed him, you know?’
Theo had realised, after six or so weeks of getting to know Jake properly, that Jake didn’t say things he didn’t mean. He could be careless, and a bit of a dickhead, and he was definitely used to getting what he wanted, but he was honest. It was like he didn’tknow any other way to be, like he’d never learned to lie, except for the one big lie of omission they had in common. Jake took other people at face value, and Theo felt indignation tighten his chest when he thought about someone knowing that and lying to Jake to get whattheywanted.
‘I don’t get why he said it if he didn’t mean it,’ Jake said quietly, this time to the cactus in a jar on the table. ‘Like, I get it, it sucks having to hide it or whatever. Iknowthat.’ His voice cracked. ‘But he ... he said I was worth it. And then he changed his mind.’ His blue eyes were very bright. ‘And I still don’t know ... was it something I did, did it take him a while to realise I wasn’t worth it, or did he never mean it at all?’
Theo didn’t think Jake had intended to say all that. He knew the feeling; the words like something you’d ripped out from somewhere under your ribcage and plopped down bloody on the table.
‘I’m sorry he did that,’ Theo said. He wanted to reach across and touch Jake’s arm, to pull him into a hug. Paddy or Xen would have done it, but Theo hadn’t quite worked out the effortless intimacy they had with one another.
‘I need a fucking hug,’ Jake said.
‘From me?’
‘Do you see anyone else volunteering?’ Jake was still looking at the protein ball.
Theo shuffled around to Jake’s side of the booth, wrapped an arm around Jake’s shoulder and pulled him in. It was the sort of awkward side-hug that shouldn’t have worked, except Jake relaxed into Theo’s embrace and it justdid.Theo felt Jake exhale, felt some of the tension in his back and shoulders release. He’d turned his head so his cheek was nestled against Theo’s chest.
‘You’re a good hugger,’ Jake said against Theo’s hoodie. Theo was very consciously not noticing the smell of citrus shampoo and skin-warmed body spray, something light and spicy.
