Page 15 of After the Siren
‘It’s okay, we won’t tell Kyle.’
And there it was. The conversation he didn’t want to have. The one he’d been avoiding since the start of camp. He wasn’t sure what his face did, but Paddy’s look changed from teasing to questioning.
‘What happened?’
Jake ripped the band-aid off and took a layer of emotional skin with it. ‘We broke up.’
‘Jesus, Jaze!’ He heard the rustle of the bedspread as Xen sat up. ‘When?’
‘Three weeks ago.’
Xen thumped down onto the floor next to him, nudging his arm up against Jake’s.
‘Why?’
Jake sighed and leaned into him. ‘He said if I wasn’t going to come out publicly, we were done. I said I wasn’t coming out. He said we were done.’
‘That’s fucked,’ Xen said.
Jake hated the part of him that still wanted to defend Kyle, that wanted to sayIt was hardandI get itandHe’s not a bad guy.
‘Bro,’ Paddy said. He’d also slid down to the floor, leaning back against his bed. He extended one leg and nudged Jake’s calf with his foot. ‘You should have said something.’
Jake closed his eyes for a moment. ‘Not much to say.’
‘Yeah, but we could have cheered you up.’
‘You were on the other side of the world and had family shit to focus on.’
And telling the boys would have made the break-up seem permanent. Would have let it slip out of the sandy haze of the off-season and into reality – like it was now. Telling them meant that he was never going to get another flirty text from Kyle, or call Kyle while he was curled up in bed, or feel Kyle’s lips pressed against the side of his neck.
‘Did you at least talk to Keeley?’ Xen asked.
‘Yeah – I talked her out of killing him.’ Jake hadn’t asked her about Kyle’s mysteriously slashed tyres.
‘What do you need?’ Xen asked. ‘You wanna talk about it?’
Abso-fucking-lutely not.‘Just wanna play some good footy.’
‘Can do,’ Paddy said. ‘Gonna be a good year.’
‘Don’t jinx it.’
Xen nudged Jake with his shoulder. ‘We’re here if you want to talk.’
Jake knew he probablyshouldtalk about it. He’d talked a bit with Keeley, but she knew him so well that she could fill in the gaps. He hadn’t had to say much at all. She’d just put onH2Oand ordered fish and chips.
He kept waiting to get angry. He knew he should be angry. Angry that he didn’t know whether Kyle had been lying from the beginning when he’d said he understood. Angry that Kyle had said, ‘We’ll still be friends if it doesn’t work out,’ which had turned out to be bullshit. Angry that Kyle had spent two weeks sticking his dick into Jake’s mouth and ass at every opportunity while counting down the days to dumping him – because Kyle had known,musthave known, that Jake would say no to coming out.
Though maybe he should be grateful for the pre-break-up sex. He wasn’t going to get laid again anytime soon.
Jake looked down at his phone. ‘Gotta call Mum,’ he said, levering himself to his feet. ‘She was having scans today.’ He had another ten minutes before she was expecting his call, but he’d also had enough of sharing.
‘Say hi from me,’ Xen said. ‘Hope it’s good news.’ He squeezed Jake’s shoulder. He wasdefinitelygoing to make Jake talk about his feelings at some point.
But not today.
Jake ducked out through the fire escape and up the stairs. There weren’t many places at the training centre where you could get both privacy and phone reception. The second-floor balcony was the best: shaded enough that it was usually a few degrees shy of roasting, but out-of-the-way enough to be a good place for a chat. It was only November, but this week felt more like January.
