Page 78 of The Pakhan's Forced Bride
Benedikt is forcing me to stay in his mansion, but that’s not terrible, because it’s better than dealing with my mother every day right now. She visits often, but I still have some peaceful moments in between.
And it’s nice to have Ulyana around, for someone to talk to.
Benedikt is still angry with me. He talks to me, but it’s clipped and short.
Every morning I wake up heavy. And every night I fall asleep with tears in my eyes, soaking into my pillow.
My heart is like a stone in my chest. Always aching. I’ve tried so hard to ignore it, to ignore the fact that Ardalion is always in my thoughts, but I can’t.
No matter how much I try to tell myself that I’m home where I belong, it doesn’t feel right anymore.
I love him. I wish I didn’t, but I do.
And I miss him terribly.
And he didn’t even fight for me when I walked away, or after.
The things he said are still heavy on my heart, aching inside me. False accusations that pushed a wedge between us.
My mother walks into the kitchen, visiting us for breakfast.
She’s been spending a lot of time here since I got back. I can’t blame her. For a while, they all thought I had been kidnapped, and that must have been difficult. But my mother hasn’t offered any warmth or love or advice; she’s right back onto her task of finding me a husband by setting up those horrible blind dates.
“Darling, I’ve made a reservation at the Paloma for this evening. You’ll need to get a new dress. The man you’re having dinner with is very high ranking, and—"
“No,” I spin on my heel, snapping at her, angry that she’s doing this again. I’ve said no to every date she’s tried to set me up on since I got home. I haven’t even settled in yet; I still have a ring on my finger. I’m stillmarried.And she’s already pushing.
“Belle, you aren’t getting any younger. You need to find a husband before the men are no longer willing to look at you.”
“Excuse me?” I snap angrily, defensive, annoyed that she’s so capable of making me feel self-conscious in my own skin.
I haven’t felt anything but beautiful for the past few months, surrounded by Ardalion’s adoration and compliments, and the way he looks at me as though I’m the only girl on this earth.
“Belle, you have to have a husband,” she huffs, folding her arms over her chest.
I hold up my hand to show her the ring. “I have a husband, Mom. I’m married.”
“Ugh. I mean a real husband. And take off that ring, it’s ridiculous that you’re still wearing it. I’ll need to talk to your brother about getting rid of that marriage contract. We can’t have your new potential husband deterred by realizing you stillneed to get a divorce. I need to make that disappear in a hurry, quietly. The scandal is horrific to think of.”
A smile of utter disbelief brushes over my lips as I shake my head.
“Mom, I said it before, but I need you to listen very carefully. Please,” I say, pulling my mother by her shoulders so that she’s facing me, and I have her undivided attention. She pulls her mouth tight, pursing it angrily.
“Mom, I love you, but you have to stop trying to set me up on these horrible dates. Firstly, I’m not interested in anyone you’ve ever chosen for me. And secondly, I ammarried, whether you like it or not.”
My mother pulls away from me, annoyed. She scrunches her face in disgust. “You are making a mistake. The men I choose for you are strong, powerful, and capable of giving you a good life. You have to forgetthatman. Stop pretending like that marriage meant anything.” She’s shouting and angry with me for saying no to her.
She’s used to people walking softly around her, obeying her, doing as she asks.
But I’m not going to be that girl anymore. This is my life. And this is my heart. And even if holding onto Ardalion means I never get to experience love again, or I stay single for the rest of my life, I accept that.
It’s my life and my choice.
“No. It’s as simple as that,” I snap, meeting her anger with my own.
“Belle, how dare you—"
“Can’t you see I’m hurting, Mom?” I blurt out, tears suddenly streaming from my eyes, surprising even me.
