Page 48 of Poker
Poker’s called and texted numerous times, and I’ve ignored him each time. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him, I do. I just don’t want him to talk me out of my decision. The second I hear his voice or see him, I’ll cave, and I can’t do that.
Right now, Poker’s the one who needs protection… from me.
A knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts, and I roll my eyes. Ghost and
Screamer are on guard duty this morning at the front of my house, and I already told them they could come in anytime to get something to eat or drink or to use the restroom.
“It’s open,” I call from my spot on the couch.
I don’t bother hiding the used Kleenex or feel ashamed about the empty pizza box and take-out containers scattered around. I just don’t have it in me to care.
Miserable. I’m fucking miserable.
“This certainly isn’t what I expected.”
I sit up so fast, my head spins. Poker is standing at the end of my couch, arms crossed over his muscled chest.
“W-what are you doing here?” I find the presence of mind to ask.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he snaps. “You left me, Meri. Explain.”
“Didn’t Crow already tell you?”
“I wanna hear it out of you.”
I sigh. I should’ve known he’d do this. “Your life is in danger because of me, Poker. We could’ve died in that wreck,” I practically screech. “What about that do you not get?”
“I don’t get why you fucking left me!” he shouts.
Anger bubbles beneath my skin, and I shoot to my feet. “I left to keep you safe! This is happening because of me. You almost died because of me.” Tears fill my eyes as I continue. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if that happened. You say you’ll protect me, but dammit, I can protect you too.”
Poker closes the distance between us and yanks me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “Shh, babe. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
Sobs burst from me, uncontrollable, filled with anguish and fear.
I don’t know how long he holds onto me, but at some point, he lifts me off my feet and carries me to my bedroom. After gently setting me on the mattress, he climbs in with me, curling me into his side.
“Meri, you can’t leave me like that,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion. “Babe, I thought you were dead. When I woke up, and you weren’t there, I thought you’d died.”
I lift myself up onto my elbow and wipe the wetness from my cheeks. “I’m s-sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”
“I know, but fuck. I was… fuck.”
“Poker, I just…” I shake my head to clear the cobwebs. “Iwilldie if anything happens to you because of me. I… I love you.”
His eyes widen, and a grin spreads across his features. “I love you, too, Meri. So goddamn much.”
“Then you have to understand,” I plead. “When I saw the note was addressed to you, all I could see were bad outcomes. Nothing but terrible outcomes that I don’t know how to prevent. And all of it because of me.”
“None of this is your fault,” he snaps. “The blame belongs on whoever is sending the notes. Them and no one else.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you got hurt.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t. And it doesn’t change the fact that you got hurt, too. But the only way either of us is going to get through it is if we stick together. What we have is good, Meri. It’s so damn good. If we let them break that, they win.”
“I’m so sorry, Poker. Can you forgive me?”
“As long as you promise to never leave me again,” he says. “I can forgive you anything but that.”
