Page 95 of Follow My Voice
I wrench myself away from him. “I’m not going, Diego.”
“I thought you might say that.” He pulls out his phone. “I need backup,” he says into it. “Tree next to eastside entrance.”
“What are you doing?”
He hangs up and smiles victoriously. A few seconds later, Ellie and Perla appear.
“Diego!” I say, my hands on my hips as I give him a murderous look.
My two friends join us behind the tree, smiling when they see me.
“You look beautiful!” Perla hugs me.
“I’m proud of you,” Ellie chimes in.
This moment, surrounded by the warmth of friendship in the winter cold, I may be as happy as I’ve ever been. Two persistent negative thoughts that tormented me for a long time have been vanquished.
No one will ever want to be friends with you, Klara.
Well, look at me now, surrounded by them.
People will only ever pity you.
No, I can also inspire others to feel proud, as Ellie just told me.
In my mind, I give those two negative thoughts the finger, my smile widening.
40Hold My Hand
THERE ARE BATTLESwe can face alone—that we must face alone, in fact. But there are others in which help and support are essential. When you need someone to hold your hand, for example, as you walk into college without your wig, exposing your short hair to the world for the first time.
I slow down and squeeze my friends’ hands. I glance over to see Diego on one side smiling encouragingly and Perla on the other, eyebrows raised in an expression that says “You got this, babe.” They each return a firm squeeze and I continue on.
It seems to take forever, until finally, we reach our classroom. Everyone has already taken their seats and their gazes linger on me for a few seconds, but then it’s all business as usual, and I am grateful for that. I turn around to hug my friends. “Thank you.”
Diego playfully taps my head with his index finger.
“Thank you?” He shakes his head. “Um, I only accept payment in ice cream.”
“I’ll settle for a coffee,” Perla says, winking. “It’s a date.”
I smile. “Deal.”
I can’t believe I’ve been going to college for close to threemonths now. Every day college becomes more bearable. I have to admit that there are days when the fear comes knocking on my door and shakes up my day, but I’ve been able to handle it. The urge to flee desperately back home comes less and less often. With my mantra and breathing exercises, I’m able to control the urge to burst into tears or run away. Of course, there are days when I feel like I can’t take it anymore, and then I allow myself to go home early or ask to speak to Ms. Romes. I’ve picked my battles, and I think that has helped me stay the course.
After class everyone stands and begins chatting. Finals are around the corner, and we’re gearing up for winter break. With class out, there will be more parties; everyone is excited to sleep in, to forget about college for a while. I, however, don’t want to leave. I’ve just arrived. I’m still getting used to everything and I’m terrified that, after being stuck at home, I might have trouble getting back out again. I guess some fears will stick with me no matter how much time passes.
But it’s not only that; Christmas is a challenging holiday for me. It was always the time of year that my mother spent hours in the kitchen preparing delicious meals, and I have so many memories of exchanging gifts, singing and laughing together. It’s the time of year when you’re supposed to be happy, but it just makes me melancholy and sad.
“Klara?” Ellie waves her hand in front of my face. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
“Huh?”
“Do you have plans after class?”
“Of course she has plans!” Perla says before I can answer. “She’s having a coffee with me.”
“I guess a deal’s a deal…” I say with a shrug.
