Page 51 of Follow My Voice
“Klara was telling me how well she did today, despite the storm.”
“We’re so proud of you, Klara.” Andy fist-bumps me.
I thank him, and we continue to chat about my first couple weeks of college until eventually Andy looks at his watch and asks, “Isn’t it time for that radio show you like?”
I sigh. “There’s no show today because of the storm.”
“Don’t worry,” Andy says. “I’m sure it’ll only be for today.”
I glance at my phone: zero messages. I haven’t heard from Kang since I left campus this afternoon, and I can’t deny that it has me feeling a little anxious. We’ve never gone this many hours withouttexting. My insecurities return:He’s met me now and I’m not what he expected, so he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
I consider sending him a message, but I don’t want to seem desperate or intense. But then again, he’s always the one who reaches out first. Maybe it’s time for me to take the initiative.
Andy and Kamila leave and I get in bed, but I can’t fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see Kang—his smile, his eyes, his expressions… those dimples that just disarm me.
I could get started on my reading assignment for my American Literature course or look over my slides for the presentation we have coming up—that will definitely make me tired. But I’m not sure I’d be able to concentrate, especially when I know the cause of my restlessness: Kang not having texted me.
I give in. I pick up my phone and send him a message.
Me:Awake?
He doesn’t answer. He can’t be asleep. It’s barely ten o’clock and Kang is a night owl, as he’s told me many times. Well, at least I tried; now maybe I can fall asleep.
My phone buzzes with a new message and I sit up to check it.
Kang:Yes.
Something’s not right. Kang has never been one for dry, one-word responses.
Me:What are you doing?
Kang:Nothing.
His message seems to confirm my greatest fear: Now that he’s met me, he no longer wants to talk to me. Why would he? He’s seen what I look like: a skeleton in a wig.
Did you really think a guy like him would ever be attracted to you? He clearly only said you’re hot to be nice.Again, that cruel voice inside my head.
I don’t bother to respond, because I get it, I’m not stupid. I put my phone under my pillow and stare up at the dark ceiling. My chest burns and my stomach aches; this hurts, a lot. These feelings of rejection and disappointment are much more heartbreaking than I thought they would be. Even though I’ve tried to keep my expectations in check, I couldn’t help but get my hopes up, especially after how much fun we had today. I’m such an idiot!
My phone buzzes under my pillow, and I check the screen. It’s an incoming call from Kang. My broken heart wakes up and beats with hope once again.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
How is it that he can make me melt with just one word? I don’t know what to say. He sighs and I begin to chew on a fingernail. “What’s wrong, Kang?” I ask. Ignoring the fact that he’s acting different won’t get us anywhere.
“Nothing, just…” He pauses, and his voice sounds off. “I’m sorry, Klara, I was being an idiot.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was dying to text you, and I shouldn’t have responded like that. I just got carried away by my emotions.”
“Emotions?”
“I was a bit hurt by you.”
I’m even more confused now. “Why? What did I do?”
