Page 25 of Follow My Voice
I smile. “I missed them, too.”
“Great choice today. I love the purple; it’s your color.”
“Andy likes the pink.”
“Andy doesn’t know the first thing about style.” Paula hands me the puppies and, after saying goodbye, I close the door and put them down.
Sappy and Donky hop around happily, wagging their tails so fast I can barely see them. I kneel down to meet them at semi–eye level. “I guess it’s true. You really did miss me, huh, you silly doggies!” Sappy barks and licks my hand while Donky climbs into my lap and starts licking my chin. Immediately, I feel better; these puppies are like magic. Their love is unconditional, no matter my faults, no matter my weaknesses. I feel a knot forming in my throat. “I missed you little guys, too. I…” I swallow. “I had a little setback, but I’m getting better now.”
Donky tilts his head to one side and stares at me. “You guys are going to help me, aren’t you?” I wipe away a tear. “Of course you’re going to help me.”
Donky barks and pushes his little head against my chest, making me smile.
“I wish everyone was like you. So loving, never judging.”
I spend all day playing with Donky and Sappy. I feed them, take them out into the yard for a while to relieve themselves, and then sit on the couch with them. Through the double windows in the living room, I watch as it begins to rain.
The rain falls harder and it feels like a cruel joke, because it was raining just like this the day my mother told us she had cancer. And it was raining just like this the day of my mother’s funeral.
My clothes are soaked, and my wet hair sticks to the sides of my face. My lips tremble from the cold and tears mingle with the rain pouring down on me.
“I’m so sorry, Klara.”
“Sorry for your loss.”
“Your mother was a great woman.”
“She made the most delicious cakes.”
“You’ll get through this.”
Everyone is talking all around me, but I can’t hear anyone. A pair of arms guides me and hands squeeze my shoulder comfortingly, but I can’t feel them. Why?Have I died along with you, Mom? Or is it that you’re the only one capable of comforting me now?
The people dressed in black are beginning to disperse, time goes by, but still, I can’t feel anything. An umbrella appears above my head. I don’t know who’s holding it until I hear Kamila’s voice. “Klara, it’s time to go.”
My eyes are still fixed on the dirt that covers my mother’s grave.
Kamila squeezes my shoulder. “Klara, are you listening to me? You’re going to catch a cold. Let’s go home.”
Home…
How can we still call it home when Mom will no longer be there, when I will no longer be able to smell the cakes she bakes or hear her laughter, so loud it could be heard from several houses away?
Kamila tugs at my arm, but I refuse to budge.
“No,” I whisper through my wet, shivering lips. “We can’t leave her alone, Kamila, it’s too cold.”
“Klara…” My sister’s voice is broken.
“My jacket…” I start to take off my coat. “She needs it, she must be so cold.”
Kamila tries to stop me. “Klara, no, don’t.”
I push her away and kneel down to place my jacket over the fresh earth that has swallowed my mother. “That’s better, Mom. Now you won’t be so cold. I’m not going to leave you alone, don’t worry.” I press the jacket into the dirt. “I won’t leave you alone, Mom. You always told me that you hated being alone and that’s why you had two daughters. You told me that, because you were an only child, you never had anyone to play with. And I know how you always hated the rain. I’m here, I won’t leave you alone with this rain and this cold.”
I hear Kamila sobbing behind me.
“I love you so much, Mom.” My eyes are blurred with tears. “How could I leave you here all alone? How could I?” I say hoarsely, still crying and pressing my jacket to the ground.
