Page 99 of Follow My Voice
It’s Friday, the last day of class before finals, but I’m not even excited about winter break. My mind keeps wandering back to what happened with Klara. I check my phone. The last text message I sent is still unanswered. I know she’s okay because I asked Perla about her; but I need to hear it from her lips, to make sure everything is okay, that we’re good.
When class ends, I rush over to Klara’s classroom. I arrive at the exact moment she walks out, flanked by Perla and Ellie. She smiles at something Perla says, and I’m relieved to see her looking so calm. But when she sees me, her smile fades and she looks away.
“Hey,” I say, waving.
Ellie and Perla each respond with friendly smiles.
Klara says nothing.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” I ask.
Klara nods, still without meeting my eyes, and turns around for me to follow her, leaving Ellie and Perla behind. I’m not surprised when we end up in front of the auditorium. The memory of the first time we met immediately puts me in a good mood.
“Did you bring me back here to tell me that I’mhealthy?” I joke.
A slight smile tugs at her lips, but that’s all I get in response. She seems tense, with her hands clenched into fists at her sides and her eyes fixed on the wall. Something’s wrong.Why won’t you look at me?My good mood devolves into anxiety and fear. Maybe I’ve done something wrong and ruined what we had between us.
“Kang, I think I… I jumped the gun on this. I’m sorry.” Her voice is a whisper.
“You jumped the gun on what?”
“You and me.”
This catches me completely off guard. I search her face, unsure of what I’m looking for in her expression, I guess some kind of hint that will help me understand what’s going on, but I find nothing. “What are you talking about, Klara? Is this because of what happened in the hall the other day? Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” She shakes her head and finally looks at me, eyes filled with sadness. “I’ve made a decision and I hope you’ll respect it.”
I’d do anything she asked me to because I care about her, perhaps even love her, but this… it hurts. I don’t know what to say; I’ve put my whole heart into us, into her.
“I have the right to ask, Klara. Why?”
“I’ve made up my mind.”
“But why? You’re breaking up with me… and you won’t even tell me why?”
“I’m sorry. I need time, Kang.”
“Time?” I ask with a frown. “I can give you time, Klara, all the time you need.”
She falls silent, but her eyes are red when she looks back at me.“I hope you have a good winter break, Kang.” She gives me a forced smile, and then turns around and walks away.
I want to stop her, to shout at the top of my lungs that she’s hurting me and I don’t understand why. But I restrain myself. She doesn’t need a guy who won’t respect her decision on top of everything else she’s been through.
I stand there in the hallway that holds such beautiful memories of Klara, now the scene of a difficult conversation that has left me heartbroken.
After getting home, I find myself playing my guitar, humming a melody that matches the way I’m feeling tonight. Klara’s tormented expression keeps replaying in my head. The notes are sad and I can’t stop recalling every word she said in hopes of finding an explanation. I know the mature thing to do was to let her go, but I’m beginning to wonder if I should have insisted she give me a reason.
She’s had enough,I remind myself. The last thing she needs is someone pressuring her to say things she may not be ready to say.
This still sucks.
I really thought we were doing well.
Someone clears their throat, and I look up to see my father in the doorway of my room. I stop playing.
“You can keep going,” he says with a polite smile.
“I was just humming nonsense,” I explain. My father found out I play the guitar after Jung’s death. I stopped hiding it from him because at that point, I was so angry at him that I didn’t really care about what he thought of me.
