Page 65 of Through You
“But it’s all good. I respect your decision.” He kisses the side of my head. “I won’t impose myself on you or pressure you. I’m not that type of guy.”
I know. When he pulls away, he looks straight into my eyes.
“I will always be here for you.” He kisses my forehead and takes a step back.
I give him a genuine smile. “And I’m here for you.”
He walks backward, never breaking eye contact until he finally turns around and leaves. And though he doesn’t seem fine, I am sure he’ll be all right. I know him too well, and have an idea what he believes he feels for me. I think he’s confusing the affection he developed for me over the years with something deeper. His mother didn’t spend time caring for him, and I’m the first positive female role model in his life. He’s confusing romantic love with the sense of security and well-being he feels when he’s with me. But they’re not the same. I shouldn’t have let the situation in the laundry room get out of hand. I got carried away by the attraction and comfort between us. But what’s done is done. And the best I can do to remedy this situation is to let him find someone who can show him what true love is.
Good luck, Apolo.
Back in my room, my mother is sitting by the window, holding a cup of tea with both hands. Her hair is peppered with white strands, combining with the red. I’ve offered to dye it but she doesn’t want to. She says she would like to show off her gray hairs with pride.
“You aren’t going to the university today?” she asks as I lie down on my bed and cover my eyes with my forearm. She remains silent for a moment. “Are you tired, sweetie?”
I feign a smile and attempt to look energized, sitting back up.
“Of course not. I was just being dramatic, Mother.”
She returns the smile. “How did it go with yesterday’s presentation?”
I give her a thumbs-up.
“Wonderful. My daughter is very smart.”
That seems to cheer her up. My heart fills with happiness when I see her smile. It’s true that she’s made a lot of mistakes, and my childhood was at times difficult, but I could never turn my back on her. It’s too easy to get stuck on the faults of others.
When I look at my mother, I don’t think of her failings. Instead, I see a woman who chose the wrong man to have a child with. A man who beat her and abandoned her on the streets with a baby in her arms. A woman who starved on many occasions so that her child could eat and who sold her body for a roof over their heads. Someone who got hooked on drugs because she wanted to escape the reality of having to trade her body every night. I also see the woman who changed her ways when the opportunity of a stable job was presented to her. I see the woman who shook, cried, and endured the aftereffects of withdrawal when she got clean, and had the strength to never have a relapse. The moment she had the chance to fix her life, she gave it her all, and for that she will always have my respect.
Getting your life together when you’ve gotten off track requires way more strength and willpower than keeping it together when it’s been that way from the start. For this reason, I don’t mind being her support now. I lean over and kiss her on the forehead.
“I’m going to get ready for school.”
“Take care of yourself, my daughter. God bless you.”
“Amen, Mom.”
“I hate my life.” Gin has her head down on the table. I take a sip of water from my glass. She straightens in her chair and shoots me a sad face. “I am never falling in love again.”
Things have not gone well for Gin with Victor. They spent a few nights together after our invitation to Artemis’s nightclub, and now he’s acting cold and distant with her. And when they talked a few days ago, he told her he’s not looking for anything serious. My friend pouts.
“Be honest with me. Did I give it away too easy? Open my legs too soon?”
“Gin.”
“I knew it. I should have played hard to get.”
“Gin.” I’m serious. “Why do you do this? Why do you always find a way to blame yourself? This guy’s a fucking jerk. You’re incredible and he’s missing out. Period. End of story.”
“It’s just that I thought I had found a real one.”
“That’s exactly what you said about the last guy.”
“I know, I know,” she says. “But, Clau.” She lowers her voice until it becomes a whisper. “He’s a god in bed.”
I roll my eyes.
“It’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my miserable life.” She groans.
