Page 127 of Overdue I Love You's
“Ate?”
Dean’s brow etches with concern, but I… can’t. Not here.
I turn away from him.
“Why Nova?” It’s pleading, desperate, and repulsive all at once. “Since when have you started lying to me?”
It starts resurfacing. The curdling in the pits of my stomach. It swindles, reverses, and bubbles all at once. It burns with the coolness of disappointment. I used to think it was guilt for never being enough or able to pay back Nadine for how much she’s done for me in life.
But it grew—became a hibernating monster that took long naps until the season of Nadine came back around. She awoke the deepest parts of me that are entangled with the most vulnerable versions.
“I didn’t want you to worry,” I say, quietly. The words vibrate in my collarbones. “Did Rosa tell you?”
“Rosaknows?” A disbelieving laugh. “Don’t answer that. Of course she knows. She probably saw you on the TV and confronted you about it, didn’t she?”
I don’t reply.
It doesn’t scare me when Nadine yells or lectures me.
But my heart pukes when she goes quiet.
“Ate?”
A warm hand is on my shoulder, rubbing slow circles.
I don’t deserve any of it.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Nova.”Call me the names you always call me. Say you love me and that you’re not mad at me. “I wanted to believe that when I searched up your name on the internet, it’d show me the books you’ve worked on but instead I’m bombarded with postsof you on a dating show—videosof you with men old enough to take advantage of you.” Nadine’s shaky breath betrays her composure. “I’ve always trusted you to make good decisions and make no mistake, I still trust you. But why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“I’m not a child anymore,Ate.” The weight of Dean’s hand is welcoming. I grab it and he easily interlock our fingers. “Men older than me by six or eight years aren’t going to make me stop using my brain—which by the way, learned everything from you.”
“Are you blaming me right now?” Her tone goes up. Nadine’s version of yelling.
“No, of course not.” I sigh, feeling all bits of lost. “Can you just… trust my decisions? Please?”
“Eight years, Nova.” Nadine takes a deep, resigned breath. “That’s older than Easton.”
“I’m twenty-four,” my voice hardens. “Most women my age are getting married, having children, and getting divorced. Some are travelling the world and are at the peak in their careers. But the second a young woman decided to like a man with a developed frontal lobe, it’s a problem?”
Not once has mine and Dean’s ages bothered me. It’s not like he’s been pursuing me since twelve or fifteen. This is new. Two adults talking, aware of each other, learning about their lives. If, even for a minute, I thought Dean was taking advantage of me, I would’ve sliced his balls off. But he’s not.
If anyone’s taking advantage around here, it’s me. His feelings are in a locked safe and I’ve pickpocketed the key away from him.
“It’s a problem because you’re my sister,” Nadine’s voice cracks.
“No,” I interrupt. “The problem is you still seeing me as yourbabysister.”
“How am I supposed to fix this for you?”
You know those scenes in future-seeing shows likeThat’s So Ravenwhere she sees a vision and the camera zooms into her eyes? Now imagine the opposite. The camera zooms out, furthering into space, then the galaxy, then the universe with thousands of galaxies.
Young Nova loved when Nadine played superhero. She loved it when she couldn’t get the cereal box from above the fridge. Or when she was afraid of the dark and Nadine made upOnce Upon A Timestories to make her feel safe.
Nadine’s habit of fixing everything became my normal.
Until I realized it shouldn’t have been.
When Nadine put all her attention on me, she stopped thinking for herself. Her life stops, her desires, her will to live. She looks ahead at nothing but me and I hate it.
