Page 36 of Reckless Roses
I don’t know why I’m doing this right now, delaying the inevitable, but I can’t stop myself. His scent is too familiar, his touch too well known. He’s all I’ve ever had, and I physicallydon’t know how to get up and walk away from it—even when I’m certain I should. We’re heading toward disaster; I can see it on the horizon, but I’ve spent my entire life trying to make this love work. To throw that all away would deem it worthless.
The pain, the tears, the fights, all of it for nothing.
No epic love story, no happily ever after.
Desperation swallows me whole as I grind against Zach’s lap, wanting—needing—him to feel my anguish. If I can’t do anything else, I can remind him of our chemistry, the burning desire between us that we can’t ever seem to snuff out, no matter how hard we try.
“One more night,” I plead, kissing his neck. “Please.”
“Elena.” My name leaves his lips like a curse.
“I need you,” I cry against his jaw. “I need you. I don’t care about the rest of it.”
He pauses, pulling back to meet my eyes. Swiping a thumb beneath my cheek and taking my tears with it, he drops his forehead against mine. “Why can’t I let you go?” he whispers, voice breaking with torment.
“I don’t know.” Our heartbeats pound together, rough and dangerous and broken.
He swallows, hand snaking behind my head, grip tightening in my hair. No words left to be said, he hauls his mouth to mine, cementing our descent into the madness of each other’s souls.
13
ELENA
“HISTORY OF MAN” - MAISIE PETERS
AGE TWENTY-FOUR - SEPTEMBER
“I got a job in Wyoming,and I leave on Sunday.”
The words ring through my skull, ricocheting off the corners of my brain, but I can’t make sense of them. Sure, months ago Zach told me we needed to end things because he didn’t want to chase my dreams with me, and I didn’t want to have his babies, but after that night, we never spoke of it again. He continued working various temp jobs; I got published, did my book tour, and settled into my life as a full-time author.
He didn’t ask me about my writing, and I didn’t ask him where we stood. For the first time in our lives together, we were uncomplicated.
Until now.
“What’s in Wyoming?” Despair funnels itself into the depths of my body as I stare him down.
“I’m going to work on a cattle ranch, for a year to start, and see if I like it.”
“Doing what?” My tone comes out cold and snappy.
“Whatever they tell me to.”
My teeth clench hard enough to crack, jaw trembling beneath the weight of what he’d just dropped on me. “And that’s better than being here? With your friends and family? With me?”
“You mean the friends who are traveling the world? Or opening their own businesses? Or my parents, who just bought their second home in Palm Springs and are hardly ever in town? Or how about you, Elena? Your deadlines where you shut yourself inside your office for weeks at a time? Your book tours and signing events on the weekends? I never see you either.”
Because you never come around.
I know it’s hard for him to watch everyone else succeed when he feels he’s failing himself, but if he gave me a chance, I’d make time for him. I’ve always made time for him.
“Everyone is surpassing me, and I’m the oldest.” He slaps his chest. “I’m the big brother. I’m the one who’s supposed to have it figured out, the one they look up to, and I’m a fucking mess. I’m lost. I have no clue what I’m doing or which direction I’m going in. I need a change.”
“So you’re just going to leave? No notice? No warning? Is this supposed to be your goodbye?”
Zach texted me an hour ago asking if he could come over and talk. Prior to that, I hadn’t seen him for three days, but the last morning we spent together was wrapped up in my bed. This was the last thing I could’ve expected to happen.
He grabs my hands, offering no other explanation than, “I’m sorry,” before standing and heading toward the front door.
