Page 34 of Reckless Roses
I watch her—her beautiful face deep in thought as she stares up at the stars. “Have you ever thought that maybe it isn’t him?”
“I know it’s not him.” She doesn’t look at me, her eyes instead tracing the constellations above us. “Love isn’t supposed to feel like this. But I’ve spent all my life wanting so desperately for him to bethe one. I don’t think I know how to let go of that yet.”
I swallow down all the words I can’t say. I stretch my hand across the couch between us, her fingers brush against mine. I dig into the fabric, desperate to hold her instead but knowing I can’t. Unsure if I’ll ever be able to. Terrified she’ll never stop belonging to someone else.
She’s still looking at the sky, lost in space, as always. I’m still staring at her, lost in her eyes, like always.
“Well, for the sake of whoeverthe oneis, I hope you figure it out soon. I know somebody’s out there waiting to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”
Her head snaps sideways, eyes meeting mine. Her brow furrows, and I want so desperately to know what’s going through her mind right now, but I’m too terrified to ask. She opens her mouth before clamping it closed, like whatever she was about to say, she thought better of.
“Let’s go to bed.”
I nod wordlessly, following her back inside. We walk down the hallway past the kitchen to where the two bedrooms sit across from each other. I turn toward Leo’s door and she turns toward her own, stopping suddenly on the threshold.
“Augustus,” she whispers, turning to face me. An unreadable expression envelops her face, sending my heart into a spiral—I have no idea what she’s about to say next. “Do you want to have sex with me?”
My heart, my soul, all the contents of my stomach leap into my fucking throat. My cock jumps right alongside them, and I’m stuck floundering in the hallway, mouth opening and closing as my mind attempts to come up with a response.
“Ar–are you offering?” I manage to ask.
You fucking idiot.
Thankfully, she only laughs. “No. I just… Are you attracted to me in that way?”
“Every person on this goddamn planet is attracted to you in that way, Elena. Trust me.” Her eyes go wide, and if I’m not mistaken, I think her pupils might dilate. “But you’re my best friend, and that comes first to me. I wouldn’t risk it for a one-time thing. Plus, you’ve never been apart from my brother long enough for me to attempt to make it more than that.”
I may have laid myself too bare with that response, exposed too much of the truth I’ve spent half my life keeping to myself. In fact, I know I’ve said too much when Elena’s breath catches, and she takes a step back, like the words were a physical hit.
I watch her throat bob as she swallows, shaking away whatever thoughts are plaguing her mind. “Right.” She licks her lips, eyes tracking my body head-to-toe, and suddenly, I realize it might be a very bad idea for me to sleep here tonight. If she gives me the green light, I’m taking it, my brother be damned. “Well, I hope I findthe onesomeday soon, too.”
She doesn’t move right away, and neither do I. We stare each other down, the tension growing thick and hot between us. She looks at me like she wants me to say something—do something—and I know I’m looking at her the same.
I can’t be the one to make that move, though. If she’s going to choose me, I need to hear the words. I need to know it’s me, not him. I need to know it’ll never be him again, and until she figures that out, I won’t let this happen between us.
“Goodnight, Elena,” I say, stepping into Leo’s bedroom. I don’t give myself the chance to watch the expression on her face as I shut the door behind me.
12
ELENA
“I’M WORRIED IT WILL ALWAYS BE YOU” – KATIE GREGSON-MACLEOD
AGE TWENTY-THREE - FEBRUARY
“Ad Elena,la mia ragazza perfetta. Non potrei essere più orgogliosa di essere tua madre.” My mom raises her glass, and everyone politely blinks at her because they don’t have a damn clue what she’s saying. However,Iknow she’s proud of how far her Italian has come in the last few years.
“She said Elena’s her favorite child and we should all raise our glasses.” Everett smiles, lifting his beer from the center of the table.
My mother rolls her eyes but doesn’t bother correcting him as everyone lifts their cups, congratulating me. My parents, both brothers, August, Zach, and their parents, plus a couple of my coworkers from Harbor Coffee, are here. We rented out the upper deck patio at the Seaside Sunset on the pier, the sun sinking over the Pacific behind us as we celebrate my publishing deal.
I released my first book last year, and it did a lot better than I ever imagined it would. I landed an agent about six months ago and spit out two more books in this same series. My agentpitched them to traditional publishing houses, and a few weeks ago, we received an incredible deal: the three books I’ve already written, plus three more I’ve got planned out within the same series. The advance allowed me to quit my job at the coffee shop and pursue writing full time. I might have deadlines, a book tour, and an entire team of people putting pressure on me now, but it’s more than worth it to have this be my whole life.
I take a sip from my drink, meeting August’s eyes across the table. His smile is wide and genuine, emerald eyes sparkling as he mouths,I’m so proud of you. Emotion pricks in my eyes; none of this seems real right now, and I know more than anyone else, I wouldn’t have made it here without him.
There is a pressure on my thigh, and I glance down to find Zach’s massive hand splayed against my leg, squeezing gently. I look up at him, and he’s smiling too, though it doesn’t appear quite as genuine. I force a smile back. My writing’s been a sore spot between us these last couple of years. Zach continues to bounce around from job to job, and I know he’s still resentful of my success, but at the very least, he doesn’t say anything negative about it anymore.
“So, Elena—how did you come up with the name Violet Rose?” Sadie, August and Zach’s mother, asks me from the other end of the table.
