Page 72 of Filtration Play
“I’ve had the problem since high school,” he managed at last.
“Oh god,” Julian gasped, his voice choked with tears. “You’ve been dealing with this alone?”
“Dad got me into therapy,” Ollie murmured, the tears a mere trickle now. “He, uh…found me in senior year. I asked him not to tell anyone.”
Julian tightened his grip on him. “All this time? You’ve been suffering all this time?” Julian’s deep-set eyes were glossy.
“I’ve been your burden my whole life,” Ollie said, his eyes stinging anew. “Who needs a suicidal mess like me?”
Julian pulled back, and his eyes flashed with anger. Even though his brother was gentle by nature, he knew how to be fierce when he needed to. “Oliver Hale. You have never, ever been a burden. Raising you and Ames was part of my journey and never one I regretted. I love our whole family, but you two? You’re mine.”
A sob escaped Ollie, even though he’d believed he was dried up. Julian’s words were bricks thrown at the pain, guilt, and shame he’d built into castles over the years. He placed a hand over his mouth as he tried to suck in a breath, tried to calm himself again.
“Can we move to the couch?” Jules asked. “You’re a big linebacker type, and I’m just a waifish thing.”
“Waifish, my ass.” Ollie nodded to the sink where Jules had thrown the knife. “Just, uh, if you leave, can you take the knives?”
Julian arched a brow. “Excuse me. What makes you think I’m going anywhere?”
“You had to drop everything for me. I’m not going to make you stay around.” The guilt tugged at him, and he chewed on his lip.
“Kay’s at Sara’s this week, and I don’t have a shift until later today. And Izzy already interrupted my beauty sleep to tell me her news, so you can’t even blame yourself for that. Couch, now.”
Ollie staggered toward the couch, his entire body drained. He’d forgotten how depleted he was in the wake of one of those spells. Guaranteed his blood sugars would be a mess.
“Here.” Jules handed him a granola bar. “I snagged it on my way out in case you needed something sugary. You look like you could use it, though.”
He took the bar and sank into the couch before unwrapping it and inhaling it. Julian settled into place beside him.
“So any reason we’re in your…uh, partner’s apartment?” Jules asked. “And they’re not here. Why?”
Ollie licked his cracked lips and sucked in a shaky breath. After the outpouring, numbness had settled in, and even though Fin’s departure sliced into him, he was able to view it a little more clearly. “I came here last night. They were going through a rough time. Well, that’s an understatement, and they got more bad news this morning. When I woke up, they were gone. Meg asked me to stay here in case they returned.”
“They just left?” Julian asked, clearly not thrilled by the thin line of his mouth.
Except Ollie wasn’t surprised Fin had reacted the way they did. Not truly. His only hope was that they were okay. That they would come home. “The shit that happened to them…it was pretty horrific.”
All he could see was the bruise on their face their dad left there, remember how they crumpled against him last night. And if more curveballs had gotten lobbed their way? He understood far more than he’d like to.
“I just want them to come home,” he said.
Julian’s gaze softened. “You’re in pretty deep, aren’t you?”
He nodded, the truth resonating deep inside him. Fin had cemented themselves on him hard last night, and though they’d never admit it, they needed someone to come back to. Someone to stay.
In the past, he’d say he was too much of a mess. How could he take care of someone else when he not only had this struggle but alsodiabetes? Yet he’d reached out when he needed to. And the world hadn’t ended. If anything, he’d learned that maybe sharing the struggle made it survivable.
And he wanted to be that person for Fin.
“Hey, I’m proud of you.” Julian leaned back and got comfortable. “For reaching out. I know it isn’t always easy.”
“That’s one thing Fin and I have in common—miles and miles of emotional avoidance tactics,” Ollie joked, but then he softened. “Thank you for coming.”
“Always.” Jules gave him an affectionate grin.
Ollie held up his hands. “This is getting way too sappy. I’ve got to send a text to Fin, but then we’re back on brainstorming cosplay costumes for you and Cal, even if I won’t know most of the characters.”
“That’s fine. I have pictures.” Jules brought out his phone and pulled things up, so Ollie took the chance to type a message to Fin and hit Send.
