Page 50 of Dance of the Phoenix
Caging me.
“Aileen,” he said, grabbing my shoulders when I tried to put some distance between us. “We’ve got to talk.”
To my horror, the tears fell on my cheeks. I was in pain. So much pain that I couldn’t think straight.
Any rationality I’d had before was gone.
Talking? There was no need to talk anymore. I knew exactly where we stood now. What else was there to talk about?
“You don’t love me, Ragnor,” I told him with a hollow feeling that made me cry harder. “I refuse to believe that this is how you express your love.”
Ragnor’s eyes flashed in fury. “Like hell I don’t love you,” he growled, grabbing my face. “It’s because I love you that you drive me fucking insane, Aileen.”
Everything I’d been feeling in the last week and a half surged inside me, causing any lingering rebellious spirit to leave my body, replaced by numbness. “I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered. “I can’t, Ragnor.”
“I can’t either,” he said, leaning his forehead against mine. “Please, Aileen ... Let’s stop this futile fight.”
“How?” My voice broke. “How can we stop when we can’t seem to see eye to eye?”
“Because I love you, and you love me,” he said plainly. “Isn’t that all that matters?”
I laughed bitterly and leaned back, staring at his eyes. “Do wereallylove each other, though?”
His eyes glowed as he growled, “We do. Or at least, I knowIdo.” He paused, peering at me with what looked almost like panic. “Don’t you?”
Did I?
Did I love this man, who broke me almost beyond repair and yet built me up in a way no one else ever did?
Did I love this man, who wanted me to strip myself bare while remaining clothed and yet offered comfort and warmth when I was most vulnerable?
Did I love Ragnor Rayne, who’d forced me into my vampiric existence, sold me to the enemy at the Auction, and yet all but begged me to take him back? Who was willing to go to war for my sake?
And suddenly, all the arguments and fights we’d had in the past few days, all the disagreements and disappointments—it all diminished when I looked at everything in the grand scheme of things.
My shoulders slumped and my head fell. “I do,” I whispered, the fighting spirit leaving me. “I love you.”So much that it hurts.
His arms wrapped around me as he embraced me close, cradling my head against his chest. “I love you, Aileen,” he murmured into my hair, squeezing me tight. “I’m sorry. Let’s drop this whole thing, Aileen. We don’t need to know everything about each other’s past—not if it risks our relationship.”
He was right. I knew he was right. And I also knew I would live to regret it if I didn’t stop it from going further.
Just earlier today, I’d seen Jada crying on Bowen’s shoulder. I’d also watched CJ between trainings, and he seemed to grow more gaunt and worried the closer the Hecatomb got. The relationship between the two of them seemed all but over.
Instead of spending the time they had left until the Hecatomb together, in each other’s arms, they spent it by avoiding each other at all costs.
And while I couldn’t judge them, since I was not in their shoes, I could judge myself and my own relationship.
Would I be able to live with myself if I headed to the Hecatomb without ever patching things up with Ragnor?
And I had my answer.
I squeezed him back at his rare apology. “I agree. I’m sorry too.”
He leaned his head back, stared into my eyes, and caressed my cheek before drawing near and closing his lips over mine.
The soft yet rough touch of his kiss made me shudder and sigh, as if it was all I’d been waiting for this past week.
I deepened the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing my chest against his and giving in to the abrupt, strong desire thrumming through my veins. And when he responded in kind, his hand grabbing the nape of my neck while his thigh shoved between mine, his knee rubbing against my clothed crotch, I was suddenly desperate for him.
