Page 35 of Dance of the Phoenix
I knew that he was angry at me for many things—most recently for refusing to sit with him and the others at table one. But there were other things he’d already been pissed off about before then, and he was no longer able to keep a straight face. Fury etched the sharp lines of his face, his eyes constantly glowing neon blue as he kept them on the road while driving through the city, his knuckles white as his fingers clutched the wheel so hard, it was a wonder it remained intact.
A small part of me wished we wouldn’t speak of anything other than my training when we arrived at his town house. But the realistic part of me knew that was naive. The fact that Magnus hadn’t joined us this time could only mean Ragnor wanted some one-on-one time with me—and not the thrilling, sexy kind.
Though to be fair, we hadn’t had the latter in what felt like forever now. Could we even be considered in love anymore? It sure as fuck didn’t feel that way.
And that thought was the most depressing of them all.
While we drove in that terribly tense silence, my thoughts drifted away to CJ and Jada. Before I was bought by Atalon, I hadn’t thought the two were anything more than close friends. That had always been the vibe I got from them. However, learning of the true nature of their relationship wasn’t surprising either.
Unlike Ragnor’s and my issues, however, Jada’s and CJ’s were far more grave. They were Alara Morreh, after all. And seeing both Jada and CJ every day in passing, and seeing their faces grow darker and more somber the closer we headed to the Hecatomb, made me feel like sometimes, Ragnor and I were acting childishly in comparison.
Even if I were to die in the Hecatomb, Ragnor would live.
And in the unlikely scenario that Ragnor died, I would live too.
Yet despite our situation being far less dire than Jada’s and CJ’s, why couldn’t either of us let it go?
By the time Ragnor parked at the town house, I was already a ball of unwound nerves. When he didn’t make an attempt to exit the car, I grew still, bracing myself for whatever was coming for me.
To my shock, his whole body seemed to forcibly relax, and when he turned to look at me, his eyes were no longer glowing, and the fury in his face was gone, replaced by a look I couldn’t read. “Next time, when I tell you to do something in public, you do it.”
I stared at him, trying to read him and failing, which brought me far too much stress for my liking. “I thought you said we were equals,” I said quietly.
“If or when we go public with our relationship, it would be a different story,” he bit back, and I could hear, even if I couldn’t see, the anger he was barely repressing. “But until then, you donotundermine my authority.Ever.”
My hands curled into fists as my own anger rose, overshadowing my brewing anxiety. “Ifwe go public?” I repeated, glaring at him. “If?!”
His face remained unchanged at my rising tone. “It seems to me as though you’re not really interested in having anything to do with me anymore,” he said in an almost mocking drawl of a voice that made blood rush to my face. “You seemed far more receptive to Oberon’s attention. You even sought Logan’s back in the mock battle, for whatever reason.”
My rage came to a startling halt as I gaped at him, speechless.
He didn’t stop. “And yet when I try to get you to talk to me, aside from when you’re forced to in our private trainings, to communicate what’s on your mind, you’re stonewalling me and ignoring me for days on end afterward, leading me to sleep most nights in my office in case I won’t be welcomed again in my own fucking bed. So yes, Aileen”—his voice was rising now—“excuse me for thinking that perhaps we were nearing our end before we could even properly begin.”
All I could do was stare at this man before me. It was a version of Ragnor I’d never seen before. A version of him I never even comprehended might exist. For me, Ragnor was this all-powerful, flawless being. He always had a perfect shield around him that made it seem like nothing could hurt him. He was beyond human, even beyond vampire or vampire Lord. He was the closest thing to a god I knew.
But the Ragnor here, in this SUV, was looking far too broken to be a god.
“Are you ...” I started, voice dry, before I swallowed hard, cleared my throat, and said, “Are you, perhaps ... jealous?”
Ragnor stared at me for a few moments, as if he needed to process what I’d just said, before he turned around and left the car.
I unclasped myself and rushed out after him. “You cannot be serious,” I said, my heart racing as I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. “You’re not really jealous.”
He whipped around, using my grip to grab my arm and pull me toward him until I was plastered against his front. “So what if I am?” he growled, eyes wild as they bored into mine. “Nothing I said is a lie.”
I stared back at him, so fascinated by this man before me that all my previous anxiety and anger left me, replaced by pure wonder. “Ragnor,” I whispered, his grip suddenly sending shock waves down my spine, causing me to press myself harder against him. “I’ve never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you.”
His face was like thunder while he wrapped his arms around me, his hand grabbing a fistful of my hair to force my head back, capturing my eyes with his. “Words and actions are two different things,” he hissed. “I don’t feel like you want me. If you did, you would’ve told me what your relationship with Logan is or why you barely look my way nowadays.”
I shuddered at the rawness I could hear in his voice. With a deep breath, I cupped his face and leaned my forehead against his. “I didn’t mean to neglect you,” I said. “In truth, I thought you were the one avoiding me.”
“It’s all because I could feel you wanting distance,” he murmured before he leaned back and narrowed his eyes, glaring at me. “I don’t like it when you smile at other men. Or when you touch them, even by accident.” His eyes suddenly glowed again. “I especially hate it that you have some sort of past with another man, a past you clamp up about when asked.”
Staring at him, I couldn’t help but feel a looming defeat. Did I really have no choice but to tell him about this part of my past? And if I did, then what about Ragnor? Would he tell me abouthispast if I asked?
That would require actually asking him, idiot,a little voice of reason inside me said.
But another voice, which was more like a gut instinct, really, insisted,Do you really wanna know?
