Page 54 of Dance of the Phoenix
Her hesitation made a spark of anger light up inside him, but he pushed it away. “We can make an exchange,” he offered. “You tell me about Logan, and I’ll tell you about ...” This time, he hesitated, before he forced out, “Yulia.”
Just uttering the name made him feel all sorts of things, but he was determined. Because Aileen had been right. It had been unfair of himto ask her to tell him everything, when he refused to offer anything in return.
He could only hope that this would be enough.
Aileen stared at him for a few long moments before she said, “Logan and I dated for four years when we were in school.”
Since he already knew as much, the news didn’t come as a surprise. What made him tense was the fact that he had a hunch where this was going, and he didn’t know if he was truly ready to hear.
But when Aileen huddled closer to him, resting her head against his chest, and told him about this part of her convoluted history, all he could do was wrap his arms around her, lean his chin on top of her head, and listen.
“I’ve never been in love with him,” she told him quietly, “merely infatuated with his good looks and naivety. When the two of us met when we were thirteen years old, he was as ordinary as every boy while I ... was not.”
Squeezing her tightly, Ragnor remained silent, listening as Aileen finally opened up about the secret she’d been hiding for so long.
Chapter 25
Aileen
I told Ragnor everything.
How Logan took my side when other kids at school attempted to bully me for my father being in jail at the time. How I practically forced him to have sex with me at too young an age. How our relationship deteriorated into the realms of dysfunctionality and toxicity.
And then, I told him about that one night that changed everything.
“I tortured him,” I whispered, burying my head in his chest, unable to look at his face as I shared this next part. The part I’d been fighting not to talk about. The part I wished I could bury and forget forever. “There’s no other word for it, really. It was torture. And I was ... I wasexcited, Ragnor. I was so sick that Ilovedhim giving me this power to mentally, physically, and sexually torture him.”
“Aileen,” Ragnor murmured, hugging me tight but somehow not tight enough for me to feel safe from my own past mistakes.
I shook my head. “I know what I did. I’m not stupid. I acted the same way I’d seen my father act numerous times. I acted like the monster Logan now sees me as. The same monster I know, deep inside, I truly am.”
The monster Logan kept claiming I was, and rightfully so.
“You’re not a monster, Aileen,” Ragnor said, leaning back so he could cup my face and raise it so I would look at him. “What you did was wrong. I won’t deny it. But you grew up in a horrible environment that showed you these things were okay. That’s the only reason why you turned out the way you did. You have to show yourself some mercy.”
I gave him a small, bitter smile that made Ragnor’s arms squeeze around me. “I might forgive my actions when I was far too young to understand things properly,” I said quietly, “but I was seventeen when I did that to Logan. I can never,everforgive myself for that, nor do I intend to.”
My words lingered for a few long moments in the air before he pressed his lips to my forehead, his touch gentle and warm. “I’m truly sorry you had to go through that,” he murmured against my skin. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
I leaned back to look at him with sudden caution. “Logan still bears a lot of resentment toward me,” I murmured, pained, “which I don’t have the right to blame him for. But he ... tried something earlier.”
Ragnor stilled, gaze sharpening. “What did he do?”
Looking away, I sucked in a breath and said, “He ... well, we fought, and he ... kissed me.”
He tensed, gaze turning into a full-on glare. “Did you kiss him back?”
I shook my head vehemently and cupped his face. “No, Ragnor, I didn’t,” I said hastily, “and I’m only telling you this so you know I don’t hide anything from you. But please don’t make this into a big deal. I plan to deal with Logan on my own. He’smyproblem.”
I could tell Ragnor hated hearing this, thanks to the little twitch in his eye. “He touched you against your will,” he bit out, glowering at my lips. “And you expect me to let it go?”
“Please,” I whispered and pressed my lips against his softly. “Do this for me.Please.”
Please have faith in me. Trust me. Believe in me,I begged silently.Please.
Chapter 26
Ragnor
