Page 9 of Wandering in Darkness
“For transporting stuff for the business. Leave the pig behind!”
“He gets lonely!” Felix cries, trying to put the pig’s harness on. The issue is that he bought the harness back when he was still under the misconception that the pig was indeedsmall. It has since proven that small is not a word that will ever be associated with him as Felix struggles to buckle the harnesswhile his boyfriend struggles to wake up enough to find us. And why is the entire pan of brownies going with us? Like they’ll still be there when we get home.
I slide into the driver’s seat, prepared to just drive off alone or… off alone with a pig, but the others start filing in. It’s really quite ridiculous, but it looks like I have little to no choice.
And just before I buckle my seat belt, I get a strange feeling. Like a… what if something’s actuallywrongfeeling, so instead of heading toward Grayson’s, I drive to my house.
“Are we already here?” Felix asks, like he doesn’t know what my apartment looks like. “Has Grayson been a blow-up doll crammed in your closet all along?”
“Yes, that is correct,” I say with much sarcasm as I jump out and run into my apartment to get a gun. And when I realize that a single gun just isn’t enough, I grab my rifle and hurry back out.
“What’s in the case?” Antonio asks.
“Stuff,” I say.
He looks confused. “I thought we were picking up a dog and/or possibly a man.”
“You should have told Lane he needed a pew pew if this was going to be a pew kind of thing,” Felix says.
“Already got one,” Lane announces, proudly showing it off for all to see. “I brought ammo too.” He whips that out, and it’s so overflowing he drops half of it. Antonio looks horrified at the ammunition going everywhere.
“Fucking hell, how many people were you planning on shooting?” Antonio asks.
“If each person took one shot, at least a hundred,” Lane answers, and I can’t tell whether it’s a joke or not. “It’s fine. Felix is my eyes.”
“That’s the least fine statement I’ve ever heard. Felix could be helping you with a life-or-death situation, see a squirrel and runoff to befriend it, and you’d have no idea what to shoot,” Antonio says.
“I wouldn’t run after a squirrel… unless it was a baby… ooh but their fluffy tails! And I bet he’d climb me like a tree and perch on my shoulder. Lane, I want a squirrel.”
“If you’re going to continue being a part of this team, you are prohibited from all mentions of animals, do you understand?” Lane asks, trying his hardest to threaten Antonio while Felix is over there with visions of squirrels dancing in his head. “We will not talk about mammals, fish, insects,nothingthat could remotely be considered cute by Felix.”
“The tail, Lane. The tail! The poof. I want one.” Obviously, Felix has heard none of that threat.
“I know with the sunglasses you can’t tell, but I am glaring so hard at you right now, Antonio.”
“Why me? He’s the one over there having squirrel fantasies. Felix, they’re just like little rats with tails.”
“Oh, I want a rat too! They’re so cute!” Felix enthuses.
“Antonio, I’m glaring even harder,” Lane says.
“Take the sunglasses off. You know I hate those things,” Felix tells him. “You look like you’re going to start erasing people’s memories.”
“Yes, that’s exactly why I’m here, to erase the memories of people who might have seen aliens,” he says with much sarcasm.
At least Felix is off the squirrel thing now. “I wanna see your handsome face.”
“I want to be able to walk without tripping over a pig, but clearly we both don’t get what we want.”
“Brigadier Oinksalot doesn’t mean to trip you. He’s just rather slow and clumsy, but he’s cute so it makes up for it. Alright. So what’s our game plan? Rush in, grab Grayson and take him home with us?”
“We’re going for the dog, not for Grayson,” I remind him.
“Yeah, but I was promised a full view of Grayson,” Felix says. “And I meanfullview.”
“Why are you making it sound like you want to see him naked? And also, I’m not sure who promised you that when I’m kind of positive he’s not even going to be there.” Honestly, I’m not positive at all, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed he’s not there and this isn’t some trick he set up. If it is, I’m going to be so pissed.
THREE
