Page 80 of Wandering in Darkness
“I will be. And don’t act like you’re not needed. You definitely give me better instructions than Audrey does.”
“You just enjoy listening to me more.”
“That’s possible,” I say with a grin.
We head out to his car and chat on the way to a sub place. When I go to pay, Grayson’s already paid for mine, and I’m left staring after him. How can the man be so damn conflicting? He tells me one thing, but his actions tell me another. And every time they do, they give me just enough hope to hold out and not turn away.
He drives to the trailhead and Trav is thrilled for a new adventure. Grayson hands his leash out to me and I eagerly take it.
“I… you know I love this dog,” he says.
“I’m well aware.”
“But I know you do too. You’re going to miss him.”
“I’m going to miss both of you. It’s really nice having someone to talk to,” I admit, trying not to think of how lonely I’m going to be when he leaves. So much of my life, I just assumed that the loneliness that followed me was something that would never go away, but once I met Grayson… I felt long-term happiness for the first time. It was no longer fleeting bits of happiness that I could depend on.
“I was wondering if you’d watch him for a couple of weeks until I get settled in. Then I’ll come back and get him.”
“Yeah?” I ask as I look at the happy dog. I’m not sure what my landlord will say, but she likes me, and if I explain the circumstances, I think she’d go along with it.
“Only if you’d like.”
“I might not give him back.”
“I know. That’s my main worry,” he teases.
“We could let him pick which papa he wants to go with,” I jokingly suggest.
“How about you come visit him? What if I pay for you to bring him to me? I mean, it’d save me from having to fly here to get him. Don’t you have a break soon? We’ll just do it during your break. You could spend a couple of weeks with us. The weather will be much nicer than it is here. We could do all of that touristy nonsense when I have time off.”
I immediately want to say yes. I want to tell him that I’ll pack my bags now and go wherever he wants to go. But I’m getting my hopes up for no reason at all. Just like the way my mother never wanted me, someone like Grayson isn’t going to want me either. He’s just being nice because I’m doing him a favor.
“Uh… yeah, I can fly him to you. I don’t have to stay, though. I feel like it’d be a hassle for you.”
He glances over at me, so I slip ahead as we begin climbing some steps etched into the rocky path. “I wouldn’t have invited you if it was going to be a hassle. I really do think it’d be fun.”
Fun… right. Friends have fun.
“I really like you,” I blurt out. “So… I don’t think… it would be a good idea. I can bring Traveler. Then maybe I’ll stay ina hotel and we can go out for drinks or something before I go home.”
Grayson’s quiet, and the only sounds I can hear are our footsteps and the patter of Traveler’s paws.
Why the fuck did I have to open my mouth and ruin such a wonderful moment? Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?
“You should get Traveler some of those little mud booties so I can laugh at him flinging his paws around,” I say, and I don’t even know why that’s what comes out, but it’s all I have. I just need to say something stupid to get him off this and onto something else.
He’s grinning at the idea. “So… basically, you just want to laugh at him. Sounds a little evil, does it not?”
“Sounds very evil, but I’m here for it.”
“You hear that, Trav? He just wants to laugh at you.”
“Don’t judge me. I’m easily amused.”
“I’m not judging,” he says, and thankfully, we’ve moved away from what I said and onto something else that doesn’t matter at all and makes no sense. Because even though we’re grown-ass men, we can’t talk about our feelings.
We stop at the sign that tells us that the left is a strenuous climb up and the right is the best route for people who can’t do a straight up.
