Page 55 of Wandering in Darkness
“So long. I’m just… very fucking talented, you know?” Felix says as he grabs the wallets.
“Wait… did you take out the other guy’s ID? I swear there was an ID in there before.”
“I did. I didn’t want you to realize he’s a police officer… kind of.” Felix whispers that last part which Ned, who has paled considerably, didn’t hear.
“Fuck,” Ned says.
“Fuck is right. Come, Cal.”
“Why are you acting like you’re suddenly in charge of this operation?” I ask.
“Come, boy. Come,” he says as he pats his leg and I dutifully follow him, gun still in hand. Does Felix really trust me that much to keep him safe? I don’t think anyone should trust me at all. Who knows when I might shoot them in the head.
Suddenly, I feel a hand on my own, and I look down as Grayson squeezes it.
“I’m fine,” I say, trying to pull it away.
“You’re spiraling.”
“No, I’m not,” I stubbornly insist. “Lane… where’s Lane?”
“I’m getting him,” Felix says as he hurries off out of sight.
Grayson steps toward me. “Go wait in the car.”
“I’m not fucking… waiting in the car while…” That ball of anxiety is working its way through my stomach again. It hurts and it’s swelling up to my throat.
Grayson grabs my hand and presses it against his chest. “Can you feel me breathing? Breathe with me.”
“I’m fine!” I snap. “I don’t need your help. I needed you before and you weren’t fucking there for me. I don’t need you now.”
“Deep breath in and then breathe out.”
“Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck all of you.” I try to jerk away, but he pulls me back, hand pressed firmly against my chest.
“Cal, you need to breathe. Breathe with me. I know you’re pissed at me. None of that matters right now. What matters is that you breathe.”
I close my eyes, feeling lightheaded and weak, but I’m beginning to panic as I can’t find any breath. My legs are feeling unsteady and the world starts to tip around me.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he says softly while I breathe with him.
I don’t realize my forehead is resting on his shoulder until my breath finally comes back to me.
“You okay?” he asks, voice gentle.
“I got Lane and our phones,” Felix announces, and I push away from Grayson. But as soon as I do, it’s like that momentary relief I felt gets washed away and I want to reach back for him. But I can’t. I can do this myself. I can get through this myself.
Grayson gives me such a gentle look and it makes me want to go back to him, but I know I can’t. “Cal, I’m here for you. I know you don’t want me, and I’m trying to respect that. But I’m here. I’m always here. I’ll wait for you no matter how long I have to. I don’t care how long I have to wait; I’ll be here.”
“I’m not worth waiting for,” I say as I grab on to Felix, needing something to ground me. Felix’s hand wraps around mine, and while the comfort I get from it is almost instant, it doesn’t drown me in comfort like Grayson’s did.
“You’re worth so much more than you even realize.”
Turning away from Grayson, I hurry after Felix as we make our way back to Antonio’s SUV. We cram into it, pleased tofinally get out of there and head home—exactly what we should have done hours ago.
Felix grabs my head and I’m confused when he pushes it down onto his lap. “Copper likes it when I pet him like this,” he says as he pets my hair.
“I’m not a dog.”
