Page 109 of Wandering in Darkness
“I did it to protect myself. My whole life is built around opportunities to protect myself because I learned from a really young age that not a damn person is going to do it for me.”
“So hurting others is better for you?” I ask.
“What have others ever done for me?” she retorts. “I’m not like you, Cal. When I first met you, I wondered if we were alike. Someone broken, unloved, uncared for. But you knew how to be a better person than I did. You still had it in you to care forpeople. I cared about myself, and that meant doing whatever it took to keep myself safe.”
I watch her for a moment as her eyes hold mine. I don’t know what to say to her. The world really is quite cruel at times, but that doesn’t mean we have to be cruel in turn. I grew up with so much hatred, so much envy… I hated my mother as much as I wanted her to love me. It was some fucked-up tug-of-war that tore me apart every time I saw her. How would my life have gone if I hadn’t met Arthur? If I hadn’t met Grayson, Tate, Eddie, Felix, Lane… My early years made life feel like a chore to even live… but every single one of those people kept pulling me forward.
I squeeze Grayson’s hand tighter as I hold it between us before looking back over at Audrey. “I understand that Allen gave you a place to belong and sometimes… sometimes belonging somewhere is all you need to keep moving, but all of the things he’s done, all of the people he’s hurt…”
Audrey watches me for a second longer before looking away. I guess she doesn’t have anything to say about that. “He has information about his sales on his computer. I have access to it, unbeknownst to him. I know everything he’s done. I know that what started as him doing proper work in the military led to him meeting up with men who promised him riches in exchange for products or things being transferred, basically using his standing in the military to procure things for them. And then when that wasn’t enough, he began using the people around him to take out those men who paid him, to consume their empires and make them his own.
“The day Eddie and Tate died, they were meeting with a man who once supplied him money in exchange for intel. And Allen was done with him, he wanted what he had. He was going to take it over and had sent us inside to kill him. You were going to shoot that man in the head and Eddie and the rest were going to cleanup, but that’s when Eddie fucked it all up and got himself and Tate killed. But I know all of that. I’ve helped Allen ever since it was just one man on his side. And I know how to find everything he’s ever done and send it to someone. Law enforcement… someone higher up in the military. I don’t care. You could stop him as easily as that. No one else would have to die.”
“How can we trust you?” Grayson asks.
“It’s a gamble you’re going to have to take if you want my help.”
“Just tell us the information,” I say.
Audrey’s lips flatten. “Absolutely not.”
“Then what do you want out of it?”
“I want to not get killed.”
“Then isn’t it safer if you give us the information and stay in here?” Grayson asks.
“I’m not handing it over. I don’t trust you. You could stab me in the back the instant you hear it.”
Felix gasps. “How dare you! I would never want to get blood on my pig like that.”
“What about my SUV?” Antonio asks. “I can’t just pick Frank up from the airport with our SUV looking like a freaking crime scene!”
I look over at Grayson. It’s not even a “What do we do?” look. It’s a “What the fuck is happening?” look.
Grayson gives me an “I don’t know what the fuck is happening” look right back.
I pull out my phone and quickly text the group so she can’t hear it. What I’m not expecting is for Antonio’s SUV to beep as the notification flashes across the screen. What I expect even less is for Antonio to poke it so the car will read it loud and clear for everyone to hear, including Audrey.
“Text from Cal: What the fuck do we want to do? She’s the most suspicious person I’ve ever met. She obviously wants tofuck us over and is going to do so if we take her to Allen’s house. I think we should tell her that we’ll let her go in exchange for the information and then toss her ass into prison too. I also kind of want to punch her.”
Everyone in the vehicle looks at me.
“Why the fuck are you looking at me? I sent the text in private! Antonio’s the one who clicked it for the whole car to hear!”
“I see a text, I click! I didn’t realize we were texting private information to each other!” Antonio says.
“You don’t think that if it was something I wantedeveryoneto hear, I would have said itout loud?”
The car takes this opportunity to go, “Would you like to reply?”
“Not really!” Antonio cries.
“You said, ‘Not really.’ Would you like to send it?” the car helpfully inquires.
“NO! Stop!”
“How the hell are any of you going to accomplish anything?” Audrey rightfully asks.
