Page 30 of High Stakes and Soulmates
I can hear his words, but still, I feel ashamed. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never be who I need to be for him.
“I was suffocating before I met you,” I admit. “And now… now I feel like I’m suffocating for a whole different reason.”
Arturo gives me a look of concern. “I was hoping I made things better for you. You definitely make things better for me.”
“No! You do. I just mean that knowing you makes me want… more. Before I met you, I knew where my life was going; I knew that no matter what I did, it’d just keep moving forward and I would keep suffocating. But you give me hope for something more, and every time I wake up, I realize that someone like me is never going to get something more.”
“Hmm… I think that the issue is that you hate yourself. There’s so much out there, Ezio. There’s a whole world for you, but you’ve boxed yourself into this idea that you need to punish yourself for what you’ve done. Stop punishing yourself. Stop hurting yourself. You don’t deserve it.”
“Why don’t I? Why do you think that I don’t deserve it?” I ask. “I am a monster. I’ve ruined so many lives.”
“How many lives were they ruining? You told me in secret that you’re with the army. I can’t fathom they’re having you kill innocent people. And I know you’re a good person. You’re so good and that’s what makes you so damn special.” His hand slides up my cheek, and I lean into it.
“You’re the only thing that’s good,” I whisper.
“I’m not perfect. I’m still just human,” Arturo says as he leans in and kisses me softly. It’s almost like he’s trying to see how I’ll respond. Even after four months, I’ve never found it in myself to kiss him because I was afraid he wasn’t interested in men. I was afraid I’d drive him away. And more than anything, I was afraid I’d fall in love and my brother would drive us away from here. Away from him.
But I get lost in the kiss that pulls me away from this world I dread and into a place where I can love. When I kiss him back, his lips part and I lean into him. My hand slides behind his back as I draw him into me. How can his touch just wash everything away? How can he make me feel whole again? His hand tightens in my hair when I hear the sound of hooves.
I reluctantly pull back, knowing that I can’t be caught kissing him as they ride up. For a moment, he sets his forehead against mine before he steals one more kiss and stands.
“Come on now. Your horse likely wonders if you ran off.”
“Right,” I say as I take the hand he extends to me and let him tug me to my feet.
We head outside to where Valley has wandered over to eat the bushes in front of a nearby inn. I hurry over to collect her while my brother and the others ride up.
My brother immediately takes note of Arturo. “I see you’ve met up with your friend.”
“Good evening,” Arturo says with a smile.
My brother nods at him. I’ve done my best to keep them apart, oddly feeling like my brother will taint him somehow.
“This is Arturo,” I say. “And this is my brother Lorenzo.”
“Brother? I didn’t realize that. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Lorenzo gets down from his horse to greet him properly. “You’ve been doing God’s work.”
Arturo chuckles. “How so?”
“It seems no one can keep that one on a decent path besides you. He’s too much like his mother.”
“His mother must be a wonderful person, then,” Arturo says.
“She was,” Lorenzo agrees. Then he ruffles my hair and leads his horse toward the barn.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Arturo.
“No rush,” he says, leaning against the hitching post as I take Valley into the barn and start unsaddling her. He knows I like to keep him separate from all of this, so he doesn’t even ask if he can follow me inside.
As I pull Valley’s bridle off, my brother’s second-in-command, Stefano, wanders over to me.
“You’d better be careful playing with that one,” he says.
I look over at him. “What do you mean?”
“I heard that rich guy, Louis Florian… he’s a bit of an asshole. I’d be careful messing with one of his slaves. I heard he killed the last man who took a liking to one of his girls.”
