Page 93 of High Stakes and Soulmates
I reach out and grab his wrist. “Did hewantto run?”
“Yes, but I should have stopped him.”
“Did he know what might happen?”
“I’m sure he knew better than anyone. He knew even better than me, and I’d just watched that monster kill my brother and everyone in my unit. There wasn’t a single person left alive but me. And he left me alive because he knew it’d hurt me worse than killing me.”
“And Arturo still chose to run with you,” I point out.
Ezio shakes his head again. It’s like my words are reaching him, but he’s not wanting to hear them. “It doesn’t make it any better.”
“It washischoice. He made his choice.”
“I shouldn’t have let him! I should have run before daylight. IknewArturo would come during the day, so I stayed. I wasted time. I should have run somewhere he’d never find me and he would have lived.”
“It was never about running, Ezio. It was about the fact that he would rather risk death by being with you than live. He would rather have died than missed a moment with you,” I say as I take his other hand and squeeze them both. He’s not pulling from me; instead, I can feel the way his fingers grip mine.
Ezio looks away from me. “No, it?—”
“Is that not the truth?”
“Fuck if I know!”
“You let him make his choice, so why can’t I make mine?” I ask. “I know how hard it is to lose someone and then open up your heart to loving again. Yes, my loss was different, but I know what it feels like to be afraid that you’ll have to live through loss again. But isn’t it my choice to decide whether or not I’m prepared for what comes from loving you? You let him make his choice. Let me make mine.”
“No. Because I’ve learned from my mistakes.”
I feel a bit weak, so I release his hands and sit down on the bed. He stares at his hands like he wants my touch back, but I don’t know what to do. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize the way I felt about you. I had to find myself first. I had to work on myself and realize that I didn’t have to sacrifice my life to avenge my family—that I could be happy too. And I’m sorry it took me nearly dying to discover how happy it makes me that you’re in my life. If you want to be pissed at me for how I treated you up until now, I understand. But don’t turn away because of what that man said.”
Ezio says nothing, and I realize that maybe I really did fuck up. I deserve this. I deserve whatever he hands out to me.
But I’m greedy and don’t want to.
“I understand,” I say as I lie down. “You can go and do whatever you want.”
“I want to make sure you don’t need anything.” He sounds so defeated and I hate it, but it’s not right for me to force him.
“Go sleep. You’ve stared at me for days, and I’ve barely seen you sleep.”
“I don’t need to sleep.”
“If you must stare at me, sleep in the bed with me. Then you’ll know if anything happens. I’ll stay on my side.” I roll away so I don’t have to see him leave.
Ezio’s quiet for a moment before I hear him drop his jeans. Then he climbs into the bed next to me. When I turn to look at him, he’s facing away from me, but I can see the tension in his body. Even though I promised him I wouldn’t touch him, I roll into him, well aware he likely doesn’t want me, but I can’t stop myself.
Careful of lifting my arm too high because of my shoulder, I wrap my arms around him as he stiffens.
“What are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself,” he says. But I don’t care if it does hurt, I just want to comfort him like Julian did.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to your brother,” I whisper. “I’m sorry you had no one to grieve with, but you have me now. You have Casimir and Julian?—”
“What if he takes all of you from me like he did last time? I just don’t understand how someone can hate me so much, can despise every inch of me to the point of wanting to ruin my life like this. For so many years, he’s done everything he can to ruin me. And he really has. He’s ruined so much of me. He manipulated me until I feel like any time I’m happy, there’s darkness looming around the corner, waiting to take it away from me. And this last time, with him playing dead, was it not to allow me to accept others? To make me feel like it was okay tocare about people and have others in my life just so he could take them from me?” he asks as I squeeze him against me.
My hand digs into his shirt, needing something to hold on to. He sets his hand on mine, and at first, I’m afraid he’s going to push my hand off him, but instead, he takes my hand in his and squeezes it while he holds it up to his chest. Then he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it.
“Cyrus, after he’s finally dead, can I ask you on a date?”
“I see no reason why we have to wait until he’s dead,” I say.
