Page 92 of High Stakes and Soulmates
Do I run? Do I try my hardest to save my own life?
Do I try to reach Arturo?
Or do I give up right here and hope my death keeps the man I love safe?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CYRUS
Present
“So that is why I’m perfectly happy dealing with all of this alone,” Ezio says with a smile. It’s not a very warm one and it’s plain to see he’s plastered it on.
“We’re not dying,” Casimir responds, as though it’s as simple as that to determine such a thing.
Ezio gives him a look. “You think my brother was like, ‘Oh, today feels like a good day to die’?” he asks, but his tone is a bit sharp, and it makes Julian squeeze Casimir’s leg. We all know that sometimes Casimir gets into a state of mind where he believes that nothing can stop him. But the moment it does…
“I can’t fathom how hard it was to deal with all of that,” Julian says, voice gentle. “I’m so sorry.”
Julian gets up and kneels in front of Ezio, taking his hands, and I’m suddenly hit with a stab of jealousy. Why does he get to comfort him? And why does Ezio immediately latch on to him?
Right… because I’ve been the asshole who has pushed him away. Because I was so determined that it was better for me to sink in my puddle of self-doubt and sadness than accept him. Because I didn’t think I deserved him.
“Do you want me to turn into a werewolf?” Julian asks Ezio.
“No,” I say before I can stop myself.
Julian quickly looks over at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I’m sure the last thing you want to see right now is a werewolf.”
I hesitate because I know that’s not why I said it. I said it because I’m over here hating the idea of Ezio relying on Julian when Julian already has Casimir. When I’m sitting right here all alone… and I don’t want to be alone anymore. Even when I heard Casimir urging Ezio to leave the hospital while it was still dark, I selfishly hoped he wouldn’t. I wanted him to stay so badly.
“Sorry… I just… I was hoping he could help me to my room. I want to lie down,” I blurt out. And it’s such a foolish excuse.
“Of course,” Ezio says as he drops Julian’s hands, and I find myself upset at my actions. Was I really so jealous that he was getting the comfort he needed? Am I really such a horrible person?
“I can go alone. I’m sorry,” I tell him while I push myself up.
“I can help,” Ezio says, his face showing his concern. “What do you have to be sorry about?”
“I just…” I trail off, not even sure how to fix what I’ve already said.
He takes me over to a bedroom that’s on the first floor so I don’t have to climb the stairs. And once inside, he pulls the covers back.
But before I sit down, I decide I need to saysomething.“I’ve been so shitty to you that I don’t even understand why you’ve ever liked me, but now that you want to pull away, I’ve discovered how awful of a person I am because I don’t want you to look at anyone else,” I admit.
Ezio stares at me before giving me a soft smile. “I’m sure it’s the pain medication and what happened making you say that.”
“You’re joking,” I say, feeling disbelief that he’d write off my feelings as part of my trauma. Or maybe he just wants to push me away and knows that saying it would upset me. He wants to make sure that I’m nowhere near when Louis comes back. And how selfish is it of me to be upset that he’s pushing my feelings away when it’s all I’ve done until now?
“I don’t want to be liked by you,” he whispers. “Same with that bullshit out there from Casimir. That… ‘Oh, I won’t die so it doesn’t matter’ shit. People fucking die. Louis is old. He’s older than Casimir. Hell, he might be older than Atticus. He is influential. He has vampires on his side, and now that I realize that I’ve put your life at risk?—”
“Did Arturo know his life was at risk when he ran with you?” I ask.
He hesitates. “Yes.”
“But you still let him run.”
Ezio adamantly shakes his head. “A regret I think about every day. If I hadn’t let him run?—”
