Page 7 of Beautiful Nightmare
I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and push the realization away. Humans don’t live as long as demons. I know that.Everyoneknows that. It’s just a fact of life. There’s no reason for it to make me so deeply uncomfortable.
“What about you?” He leans forward, all bright eyes and interest. “I know this hasn’t exactly gone like you wanted, but surely your life must be so interesting.”
I roll my eyes before I can think better of it. “I guess it depends on what you consider interesting. It’s pretty boring from where I’m sitting. I spend a lot of time alone.”
There’s no reason to expect him to understand. He clearly doesn’t. “What do you mean? You’ve only been here a few times. Surely you do other things with your free time.”
“Not really.” I drag a hand over my face. Everything about Caleb seems designed to bring my inadequacies to the forefront. I know better. It’s not him that’s the problem; it’s me. It’s always been me. “I don’t fit in. I focus on the wrong things and ask too many questions, which tends to cross boundaries I didn’t even realize existed.” All the years of missteps bubble up, pressing against the inside of my skin. “When I was young, my eccentricities were tolerated, but only by the adults and elders. Kids, regardless of their species, always know the truth. And the truth was that I don’t fit in. I never have.”
Instead of turning away from me in clear disgust, he emanates empathy, soft and sweet and absolutely inedible. “Kids can be cruel, even if they don’t mean to.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shrug, trying to play it off, but my shoulders are too stiff for the lie to be convincing. “I tried to blend in, but it’s so exhausting carving off bits of yourself so people around you will be more comfortable.”
“It is.” There’s understanding in his tone, and more of that soft empathy. “I’m sorry. I let my curiosity reign instead of thinking of your feelings.”
I shrug again, but this time it feels a little more honest. “I like your curiosity. What do you want to know about being a demon?” This, at least, I have the knowledge to answer. It doesn’t matter if I’m a bad demon; I’ve gone through the same training as all the others. More than that, I’ve had to spend so much time observing my peers and our instructors and Ralph,trying to figure out how to bend myself into a form they’d approve of.
Caleb’s curiosity truly is a delight. He’s smart too. He asks questions about how our society is set up, how my powers work, what kinds of emotions are edible, and even what they taste like. He’s baffled by the knowledge we are formed as babies instead of birthed by other demons. When we circle back to how we’re raised, he sits back with a choked laugh. “It’s honestly kind of depressing that demon culture is healthier than anything we have as humans. No child goes hungry? They’re all cared for? The elders too?”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “The elders are the most powerful of us all. Sure, eventually they fade away, but even during that fading, only a fool would cross one of them.” I smile. “But, yes, our children are cared for. They’re our future.”
“Yes, exactly.” He’s even more handsome when he’s excited about something. His hands and expression are animated, and his zeal practically saturates the space between us. “I do a lot of volunteer work for communities who can’t afford wellness visits, but it’s absurd that they should have to pay anything to keep their children well. We petition and call and march, and the people who make the decisions just keep doing the cruelest thing possible in any given situation.” Just like that, the light goes out of him and his shoulders slump. “We truly live in broken times.”
“I’m sorry.” And I am. I know human history in the broadest of strokes. The more detailed education is given to those destined to spend more time among the humans themselves. A sleep paralysis demon doesn’t have to know much at all to generate enough fear to keep from starving.
It feels like only minutes later when Caleb glances at the clock and sighs. “I’m really enjoying talking to you, but yousaid we only have until sunrise, and that deadline is fast approaching.” He blushes again. “Like I said before, we don’t have to do this. Before you ask, Idowant to, but I don’t want you to be pressured.”
Does he realize how absolutely charming he is? Probably not, based on how awkward he’s suddenly become. I belatedly recognize that suggesting I sit on his chest probably had connotations I don’t fully understand, so I try for a compromise. “What if we started with a kiss?”
He brightens immediately. “A kiss sounds lovely.” During our conversation, we ended up sitting cross-legged facing each other, but he stretches out and then moves to his knees. Something pops as he does, and he grimaces. “Old injury. Don’t worry about it.”
I absolutely do not want to put him in a position—literally in this case—that hurts him. Before he can say anything else, I scoop him into my arms and kind of topple us onto the bed. He immediately tenses, and I curse myself for being impulsive. “Sorry. Again. I was trying to help.”
Caleb inhales and exhales a few times. “Gemma, we seem destined to keep apologizing to each other. You surprised me. That’s all.” He reaches out and tentatively cups my face. It’s like when he held my wrist, but so much better. My whole body buzzes in response to his thumb tracing over my right cheekbone. He pauses. “Um, before I kiss you, I really need to know how old you are. I hope you understand.”
I do. Immediately. A breathless laugh escapes me. “I’m not a youngling by any definition of the word, yours or mine. I’m seventy years old, Caleb. Demons reach majority at fifty. I promise I’m an adult and consenting to this the same way you are.” I lean into his touch. “I’ve never had sex with a human before, but I’m not new to sex as a concept or act. It’s just ... different with demons.”
He keeps stroking my cheek, his lust growing in slow waves that make me dizzy. “Different how?”
I’m having a difficult time focusing. He’s barely touching me, but the intent way he staresfeelslike an additional touch. “Um, I don’t even know where to begin.”
“I’d appreciate it if you’d try to explain it to me.”
“Well, to start off, we can all shape-shift, though obviously the more powerful the demon, the easier time they have doing so. And everyone has their own personal preferences, so the act is unique between the demons involved. Sometimes it’s a wild frenzy of shifting and magic. Sometimes they don’t even touch in a way you’d understand. I’ve had partners of all preferences.” Even as I tell myself not to, I place my hand against Caleb’s bare chest. He’s so warm and his heart is beating a frantic rhythm, as if it’s trying to get to me through his rib cage. “Humans get plenty creative with sex, especially with the various tools you can use to amplify things, but you’re still restricted to your body as it is in the moment.” I’m wearing the same form as the first night. My body right now is humanoid enough, right down to the erogenous zones, though I’ve left off the finer details of genitals. Since I’m supposed to be generating fear, not lust, I’m not supposed to need them in my day-to-day life.
“I guess we are.” He hesitates and finally nods, almost to himself. “One last question, at least for now.”
“Ask whatever you want.” I’m enjoying this conversation. He doesn’t seem to mind the times I bumble through things. His kindness is a balm against a wound I hadn’t fully processed possessing. I don’t have to worry about acting normal with him. I can just be ... me.
“I can’t in good conscience agree to anything related to sex without talking about the possibility of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. I probably have somecondoms around here, though I can’t guarantee they’re not expired.” This brings about another charming blush. “It’s been a while since my last partner.”
I laugh in relief. This, at least, has an easy answer. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about anything like that. Demons and humanscanprocreate, but the demon has to make the intentional decision to form the interior anatomy to facilitate that possibility. As far as disease or infection, our magic wards us against such things, so we can’t give or receive.”
“Well, that makes things remarkably simple.” His gaze drops to my mouth and I lick my lips, though I couldn’t begin to saywhyI’m licking my lips. “I’m going to kiss you now, Gemma.”
“Okay,” I whisper. I find myself holding my breath as he leans in and presses his lips to mine. It starts so slowly, I have a beat of wondering if he’s kissing me at all, but then the pressure increases and my lips part and I cantastehim. He’s minty and filled to the brim with lust and something infinitely more complicated. The emotion—bothemotions—surge into me through our contact, pouring down my throat with a strength that makes me gasp.
Caleb immediately retreats. Distantly, I’m aware that he’s going to ask if I’m okay, but I’m too busy chasing him across the finite distance between us and claiming his mouth. The combination of physical and emotional leaves me loose in a way I’ve never experienced, and I wantmore. My hunger banishes entirely in the second kiss, the slow slide of his tongue against mine filling me in ways I can’t quantify. Caleb grabs my hips and jerks me closer. I’m alight from every point we touch, his hand sliding over my ass bright and needy, his mouth dragging along my jaw leaving fire in its wake. And the weight of him as I partially roll onto my back, tugging him with me.
