Page 3 of Beautiful Nightmare
It only takes two days for the hunger to start again. Humans are assigned based on a number of bureaucratical policies—demons love bureaucracy—and the condensed version of it is that seniority is everything and I have none. So I get one human and only one. Initially that knowledge comforted me; I wouldn’t have to go into a bunch of new houses and find out exactly what scares a bunch of new humans.
That was beforehim.
I shift from hoof to hoof in front of the portal. Ralph’s got his own hungers to see to, but he said he’d be here when I’m done. Another thing that seemed great when I first heard it, only for me to realize it’s backfired. I have no one to shove me through the portal, and I can’t seem to make myself take that first step.
Portals are summoned for their respective demons in little alcoves to provide privacy. I think that’s why? It’s something I’ve been grateful for time and time again, because it’s never a smooth process to talk myself up to taking this first step, even if Ralph is there to lead the way.
My stomach grumbles, the sound bringing with it a memory of my human’s ... lust. I want to taste it again. I want to devour it in great, greedy gulps. The problem is that I’msupposed to scare him, and even if I wanted to turn him on, I don’t know how I did it in the first place. Surely I can’t re-create the experience? I definitely shouldn’twantto re-create the experience.
“Come on, Gemma,” I mutter to myself and surge forward before I can think too hard about moving. The portal spins me to pieces and shoves me unceremoniously back together, dropping me into a now-familiar dark room.
The window is closed tonight, the air still. Just like before, the human is lying on his back, his arms outstretched in a sure sign of safety. That awful guilt pricks me again, but I make myself move forward to take him in more fully. His blankets are pooled at his waist and tangled around his long legs. One bare foot is exposed, and I stare at his toes for a long moment. I’ve tried to form my own a few times in the past, but toes are soweird, and they always turn out wrong and make it hard to walk. His toes are nice, though—square and creating a neat little stairstep from big to smallest.
He shifts in his sleep and I freeze. I’m not ready. I don’t have a proper plan, despite thinking about this endlessly for the last forty-eight hours, prodding the memory and wondering where I went so wrong.
“The net, Gemma.” I don’t mean to speak aloud, and the soft sound of my voice jars him awake. He starts to sit up, but I’m faster, launching my magic at him and freezing him ... half sitting up. “Fuck.” I drop my head and curse, not even bothering to keep it internal this time.
He makes a noise that is most certainlynota moan of fear. Even as I tell myself to turn around and leave, I lift my head. He’s staring right at me, his eyes shifting as much as the magic allows. There’s heat in their green depths, the kind of heat that signifies exactly what happened last time. He’s not scared of me. He’s turned on.
“What iswrongwith you?” Without thinking, I wave my hand and shift the magical net around to free his face.
He works his jaw and swallows visibly. “Um. Hi.”
“I asked you a question.” I dig frustrated hands into my long mane of purple hair. “You’re supposed to be terrified. A monster is in your room, holding you frozen, and threatening to suffocate you. Normal people would be terrified.”
“Yeah, probably.” He smiles a little, though he’s gone pale enough that his freckles stand out in stark contrast. “I’m Caleb.”
“Gemma.” I realize what I’ve done and shake my head sharply. “No. We’re not doing this ... whatever this is. Go back to bed. I’ll scare you next time.”
I start to turn away, but his soft voice stops me short. “Probably not.”
“What do you meanprobably not?”
He’s still watching me as if he wants to memorize every detail, his gaze tracing my body from the tips of my horns down to my cloven hooves. It’s strange to be stared at so intensely. I’m an embarrassment of a demon. I’ve been told as much my entire life.
We’re raised collectively from creation to adulthood, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve been unable to fit in with my peers. The things that come easily to them feel unnatural to me; it takeseffort, and even when I try my very hardest, I never quite manage it. If I’m silent and still, they sometimes tolerate me, but it’s difficult to be either. As a result, I make the other demons uncomfortable and they avoid me. They look right through me.
Caleb clears his throat. “You are, uh, scary. I guess? But I’m scared every day, all fucking day. The world is in shambles, Gemma. And, forgive me if this is creepy, but you’re naked in my room, and the other night you were sittingon my chestwhilenaked in my room. I had what I feel is a pretty normal reaction.”
Naked ... I look down at my body. I understand the concept of clothes, the same way I understand the concept of an erection. But clothes are a human thing, something to cover their bodies from the elements, to hide them from the shame their society drills into their heads. “You just said I’m scary.”
“You . . . are?”
Realization rolls over me in a thick wave. He’s lying. He’s not scared of me at all. He’s turned on, and worse, he’s nice enough to pretend I’m not catastrophically failing at my only job. “You’re not scared at all.” Now that I’m focusing, I can feel his emotions roiling in his chest. Thereisfear there, but it’s faint and once again wrapped up in confusion, whichI cannot eat.
“Maybe we could try again,” he says slowly. His eyes are focusing very intently on my face, not dipping below my chin after that first intense scan. “If you release me, I’ll go back to sleep. You can come in again, and I’ll be scared.” He’s still speaking softly, as ifhedoesn’t want to spookme.
“I have to go.” My stomach chooses that moment to rumble loudly in protest. I had mostly gotten used to my hunger while living on Ralph’s scraps, but the veritable feast Caleb gave me two nights ago makes it hard to bear in this moment.
He jerks, but my magic holds him still. Except for his face, which I’m discovering is incredibly expressive, even if I don’t fully understand the meaning behind each micro movement. “Wait. Please. I’ve obviously done something wrong, and I’m sorry. Please don’t go.”
Now he’s apologizing. As if my mortification couldn’t get any stronger. I turn away and press my hands to my heatedface, hating the tightness in my throat and chest. I don’t know how many more chances I have left. Will this be the one that disappears me? Or will they give me another human to bumble through attempting to scare?
“Gemma.”
At the sound of my name, I do my best to insert steel into my spine. It feels more like soft dough, but I manage to turn to face him again. “Close your eyes.”
Caleb immediately obeys. He’s still in that half-sitting-up position, which doesn’t look comfortable in the least, but he’s relaxed and resting easily against my magic, so maybe it’s fine. What little fear was present seeps away as I walk toward him. He’shappyI’m not leaving.
