Page 118 of Down Knot Out
I want to believe this place is enough. That the nest, the pack, and the endless hours of story time and home-cooked meals will be the thing that wins out over old hurts and bad blood.
But then I see her curled up in a ball, fists tight, jaw locked in terror, and I wonder how many years it will take for her to trust that this is real.
If this evencanbe real.
I inhale slowly and follow the therapist’s instructions on how to calm, counting backward from ten. But my heartbeat doesn’t slow.
Instead, my mind races with all the ways I could fail her.
The sky bleeds from blue to silver, and a weak shaft of sunlight creeps across the nest. Holden stirs first, rising with the slow movements of someone who doesn’t want to disturb the peace. He rubs the back of his neck, then slips away to the kitchen.
Dominic follows next, eyes bloodshot but alert. He heads for the garage office with a soft pad of footsteps, probably off to check the emails and security feeds before the rest of us can worry.
Quinn continues to sleep, her face slack and peaceful in the hush of early morning.
Chloe wakes and tries to slip out of the nest, moving with the caution of a cat.
I catch her by the ankle, fingers wrapping around the fragile bone, and she freezes. “Where are you going?”
Her mouth twitches. “Bathroom.”
I let her go, and she tiptoes down the hall, hair rumpled and face sleep creased.
When she comes back, she studies Quinn, then me, her face flushed but still aware. “Can’t sleep?”
I shake my head. “Bad night.”
She settles next to me, folding her knees under her chin, chin perched on top. She lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for this.”
Alarm shoots through me, worried she’s second-guessing bonding with us. “For what?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “After I was kicked out of the Sinclair pack, I never dared dream of joining another pack. I thought I’d grow old, maybe adopt a cat, and live vicariously through Grady. Now, I have so much, and it scares me, because it means I have so much more to lose.”
I squeeze her knee, then slide my thumb up to the spot behind her kneecap that always draws a giggle from her.
She doesn’t laugh now, but she does uncurl, letting her head rest on my shoulder.
“Life is scary.” My hand smooths over Quinn’s wild curls. “But that shouldn’t stop us from grabbing hold of happiness and holding on for all we’re worth.”
She shakes her head, hair falling forward, shrouding her face. “What if I mess it all up?”
I find her hand under the blanket and thread my fingers through hers. “You won’t.”
“How are you so sure?” she whispers.
“Because I have to be.” I kiss the top of her head. “I want you in this pack, bonded to us, more than I want to take my next breath.”
She lets out a long sigh and relaxes against me. “Me, too.”
With her head on my shoulder, we watch the sun climb higher, painting everything in golden warmth.
Chloe’s breathing stays shallow, but her hand squeezes mine.
“You know we’re better off with you here, right?” I whisper, not wanting to break the moment. “Dominic’s happier than he’s ever been, Holden’s confidence is growing by the day, and Nathaniel’s learning to relax.”
My bondmate stiffens beside me, but he remains silent, counting to pretend to sleep.
Chloe’s whole body shivers, and for a second, I think she might start crying, but she doesn’t. She just cuddles closer, our bodies a cocoon around my niece.
