Page 15 of In the Middle of No(ah)where
"Caleb?"
"Hm?"
"What are you going to do after graduation?" I ask. I know how hard it was for me to go through that transition. It still is some days.
"I'm saving all I can from Steamed, and as soon as I graduate, I'll be out of the foster care system and will be a legal adult. I plan to get a small studio apartment somewhere. I've lived with other foster kids for so long that it will be nice to have a space of my own where I…can just be me." He says with a blush spreading his cheeks.
"Are you nervous about it?" I ask curiously.
"A little. But I have friends to lean on if I need help." He says, nudging my shoulder.
I nod. "I'll always be here for you, buddy." I wrap my arm around his shoulder, and he smiles before leaning into me.
"How did you cope with the changes?" he asks.
"Well…I discovered some new things about myself." I wasn't sure how much to tell him. I didn't want to freak him out. "It's a way to escape my everyday life where I can relax and just be in the moment." I walk us around the corner to the aisle I really want to explore. LEGO. I pick up a box containing a spaceship and instantly know I need this in my life.
"You like LEGO?" Caleb asks.
"I love it. You can build an entire world where anything can happen."
Caleb nods like he knows what I'm talking about. Perhaps I should share with him what I've learned about age play. I attended the last event at the LGBTQ+ center, hoping to run into Marcus, but he wasn't there. His friend Shaun was there playingwith Kai again, but I just hung out with my group. A couple new daddies were there, but it wasn't the same without Marcus.
Caleb runs his hand over a box.
"Do you like to build?" I ask.
"Never really got into LEGO. One of my foster brothers is into it, but I'm not creative enough. I like regular blocks, though."
"Like the ones for toddlers?" The words just slipped out, and it was more of a question of clarification. Caleb looks at the floor with a frown. "No judgment. I have a friend who likes to play with dolls." Thinking of Kai playing with Shaun. Caleb glances up at me, studying my face to see if I'm lying. "Seriously. Remember when I just said I found a way to escape?" He nods. "Well, I'm a middle. It's a form of age play where I regress to a younger age to help cope with my stress and anxiety. I haven't been brave enough to find someone to play with, but it will happen." I lie because the only one I want to fill that role is Marcus.
Now Caleb is really looking at me, and I wonder if I said too much. He has a soft smile before continuing down the aisle. He looks over his shoulder at me. "Thanks for sharing and trusting me with that information. I know it's personal." He looks back at the toys on the shelf, and when we reach the end of the aisle, he turns toward the section geared toward toddlers and infants. He looks back at the floor and turns in the opposite direction instead.
"Hey, do you mind if we take a look at this section?" I ask, pointing toward the section I know he really wants to check out. His eyes widen briefly before he nods.
"Sure." His voice is soft.
We walk up and down a few aisles and stop to examine the bin of stuffed animals. Caleb pulls out a giraffe and strokes its long neck.
"Are you excited for Christmas?" I ask him.
He shrugs. "Not really. My foster parents don't really celebrate the holidays with us. They said there are too many of us, and it costs too much."
"I'm sorry, Caleb."
"I haven't really celebrated the holidays since my parents died when I was little. It's not a big deal." The expression on his face tells me that's a lie, and I make a mental note to buy him a gift.
He puts the giraffe back on the shelf and walks around, lost in thought.
"Hey, Noah."
"Yeah, buddy?"
"When they hung the flier in the coffee shop from the LGBTQ+ center about age play, I did some research." He takes a minute and continues looking at the toys on the shelf. "I enjoy discovering this side of myself and…I…I think I… I'm…a little. I haven't had the chance to explore it too much, but it resonates with me. A lot."
I smile because I can totally see him as a little. Not just because he's so tiny but because of his demeanor. I can picture one of the daddies at the center taking care of him. I wonder if he'd want to go when he graduates. All I know is that I don't want anyone hurting him, so I vow in this toy store to look after him like a big brother would. I wonder if Kai would like to be his friend. I'm not sure how to even approach that topic, so I don't say anything. Especially since the BDSM community is all about consent. I don't want to share something about Kai without his permission.
I wrap my arm around his shoulder and whisper in his ear. "Thanks for telling me. And even if you're not, you're still my little buddy."
