Page 12 of In the Middle of No(ah)where
He's the first to break the silence. "Beautiful, aren't they?" he softly murmurs, gesturing towards the translucent invertebrates.
Words seem trapped somewhere between my heart and my mouth. I swallow. With a shaky voice, I respond. "Yes. They're fascinating."
The conversation that follows is hesitant, marked by awkward silence and nervous laughter. But as we talk, I feel the weight of my anxieties begin to lift. Marcus listens intently, his honey-colored eyes never leaving mine. He asks questions, not in an intrusive or judgmental manner, but genuinely curious. He avoids asking about my future plans or college. He doesn't even ask what I do for a living. He simply listens to me talk about moving in with Carlos soon and a little bit about my home life.He never interrupts and lets me lead the conversation. For the first time in a long time, I feel seen.
And as we slowly move through the space, a slight, almost imperceptible shift happens––the beginning of something. A nervous excitement, a tremor of hope, replaced my anxiety.
Marcus turns in his badge and clipboard to one of the workers, and then it's just the two of us.
"Would you like some company for the rest of your visit, or would you prefer to have some alone time?" he asks. I think about it because I was here alone to clear my head. But I enjoy the way I feel when he's with me.
"If you don't have any plans, I'd like you to stay," I tell him truthfully.
"Good. I'd like that too." He offers me another smile, and we make our way to the lower level of the aquarium. One wall is an elaborate tank filled with various sea creatures. A small shark swims by, and I'm fascinated by it. It's about four feet long, and its body is a purplish-gray color.
We find a bench to sit in silence and enjoy the serenity of the quiet motions.
"How long are you in town for?" I ask Marcus, breaking the silence between us.
"Only for today. I will be heading home tomorrow morning. I'm completing my master's degree, and I encountered an issue with some of the data I collected. It wasn't adding up for some reason, so I asked the aquarium director if I could come back in for a few hours and rerun some of the tests on the PH and salt levels in a few of the tanks."
Ah, that's what he was doing with that little plastic thing. He continues to talk about his research, but it's all over my head. He's passionate about it. I wonder if I will find something to be just as passionate about someday, other than extraterrestrials.
"Watching all these unique creatures makes me wonder what else is living in the ocean," I tell Marcus, and he grins like he knows something I don't.
"There are always new sea creatures being discovered." He responds but keeps his eyes on the tank.
"A couple of years ago, I found a book in the school's library about mermaids. When I flipped through it, I found links to videos and other scientific research. Do…do you think mermaids exist?" I ask and look down at my shoes. I can't believe I just asked him that.
"I saw the same documentary when it first came out. I believe that anything is possible, and there is a whole world under the surface that we are unaware of."
I like that Marcus doesn't make me feel silly for believing in otherworldly creatures.
The conversation between us glides as smoothly as the jellyfish. We discover our mutual love for science fiction, bond over our shared passion for Star Wars, and even tease each other with quotes from our favorite films. He speaks animatedly about his favorite authors and how he misses reading for pleasure, given the large amount of reading required for his schoolwork while pursuing his degree. I also discover that he's twenty-eight. The more he opens up, the more I find myself relaxing in the warmth of his presence.
As the afternoon progresses, we talk about everything and nothing, finding common ground in the vast expanse of our unique worlds.
Any fear from earlier has been replaced by exhilarating hope.
6
Noah
As the afternoon draws to a close, I feel a strange sense of lightness. It's as if, by simply connecting with Marcus, I found a way to break free from the invisible chains of my anxieties. The pressure of the future still exists, but it doesn't feel crushing. The fears still linger but are muted, diminished by the warmth of his kindness.
When we leave the aquarium, I feel a sense of hope I haven't experienced in months. My time with Marcus isn't a cure-all, a magic potion I've read about in one of my books that will solve my anxieties. But it is a beginning. A steppingstone. A glimpse into the future where maybe, just maybe, I might be able to navigate adulthood. Navigate the challenges and complexities with someone by my side. Someone who accepts not a façade of something perfect but the chaotic mess that is me.
That realization causes something to swirl inside me. Filling my stomach with more than just butterflies.
Whatever it is… it's beautiful.
The silence stretches between us as we make our way through the grand courtyard in front of the aquarium, punctuated by the rhythmic sounds of the fountain and the distant chatter of other visitors.
My fingers fidget nervously as Marcus leads me over to a bench. Sitting, I want to say something, but words seem to catch in my throat, tangled in a knot of self-consciousness.
Marcus shifts slightly toward me, and when he looks at me, specks of gold flicker in his honey-colored eyes from the string lights around us.
"I've been coming here for years," he says, being the one to break the spell we're under. "It's…calming."
