Page 47 of Curtain Call
When Riley props up on his elbows, he looks around the room and realizes that Colin’s not there. Riley’s insides twist. Shit. Some things never change. Riley waking up after a night in Colin’s bed only to find him on the couch in the morning. He wraps the blanket around his naked body and just as he gets his bearings on the floor, he hears the hotel room door unlock.
“You’re finally awake,” Colin says with a fresh face but wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
“Where were you?”
“Breakfast,” Colin lifts the tray up for Riley to see. “I figured since we sort of skipped dinner, you might be hungry this morning because I’m starving.”
“Sounds good,” Riley’s voice low and mellow.
Riley looks down at the floor and his facial expressions are hard for Colin to read. Riley thought maybe Colin regretted last night so he left. But he didn’t. Instead, he brought breakfast.
Riley lets go of the blanket and tosses it on the bed before slipping his boxer briefs and jeans on. He grabs his Chai from the holder.
“Thank you for this,” Riley tells Colin before
pulling off a small part of the bagel. Colin watches him.
“Are you OK?” Colin asks.
“Yeah, sorry, just processing.”
Riley didn’t want to mention that he thought Colin left him. He didn’t want to bring up the triggers of Colin not sleeping with him all night. Clearly, looking at the indentation of the pillow on the other side of the bed, that was not the case this time. And the bed was warm, not cool, so Colin wasn’t gone long.
What was Riley doing? None of this is real. He was leaving for New York soon and Colin was going to be here. It’s not like Colin was moving away any time soon. He wasn’t going to give up Broadway before he had a shot at a Tony Award. Riley set his Chai on the nightstand.
Colin sat next to Riley on the bed and pressed his thigh into Riley’s. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Colin finally speaks.
“You know, I had never done that before.”
“With a guy, you mean?”
“No. Ever.”
“Wait, you were a virgin?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve messed around a few times, but never,that.”
Riley was honored that he was allowed to be Colin’s first, but why didn’t that make him feel good? Riley’s body tenses up next to Colin.
“I’m glad it was with you,” he says kissing Riley on his exposed shoulder before placing his hand on Riley’s lower back to try and relax him.
His hand placement only causes Riley to tense up more because Colin can feel the sharp points of Riley’s spine as he moves his hand upward on his back. He was so wrapped up in the moment last night, and with the dimness of the room and the feel of Riley against his skin, he didn’t notice.
“Riley,” Colin whispers to him.
“Fuck Off, Colin,” Riley whispers back.
“What?”
Colin is taken aback by the harshness of those words no matter how soft they were spoken.
“I’m only concerned,” he chokes down the rest of the sentence and wishes Mac was here to help him navigate this. He places his hand on Riley’s back again. This time there is a barrier of fabric from the sheet Riley grabbed to drape over his body.
Riley hasn’t looked up from the floor. He wasn’t sure how Colin was feeling but he could only think of one thing. How he must be such a disappointment. As a friend. As a boyfriend.
Colin stood up and Riley could hear him taking a deep breath. He knelt in front of Riley and was between his knees with his elbows resting on Riley’s thighs. Tears streaming down his cheeks. Riley has never seen Colin cry before. He caused this pain. It was just too much for Riley to take.
Colin’s words are broken when he’s finally able to speak.
