Page 64 of Curtain Call
Looking at Riley, here in the flesh, wipes away everything that happened on that last morning in Boston. The hurt somehow doesn’t hurt anymore. He’s getting the help he needs. Help that Colin couldn’t provide. No one person could.
“Oh, here,” Colin reaches out and hands Riley the single red rose he was holding in his free hand.
“What’s this for?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Colin tells him. “It’s our first one as a couple and I didn’t want you to be alone.”
“Couple?”
Colin smirks at him, “Technically, yeah. Just because we got into a heated discussion doesn’t mean we broke up. You should know me better than that.”
Riley reaches out and grabs Colin by the hand and guides him into the family lounge. He props himself up on the couch where he and Mac sat just a couple of weeks ago, pulling Colin onto the couch next to him.
“Colin,” Riley begins, “we need to talk.”
“Sure.”
Colin doesn’t like the sound of this. Nothing good ever comes from,we need to talk. But, he came here to support Riley in whatever way Riley needs. If that means that he needs to go back to being his friend, as painful as that will be, he’ll try.
“Don’t make that face, this isn’t bad news on the war front,” he jokes while locking his fingers in Colin’s.
Colin pulls their hands up to his mouth and kisses the back of Riley’s. The touch of his skin feels like before. In the light of the room, Riley looks better too. Healthier. But Colin doesn’t dare let those words pass over his tongue.
“I rehearsed this a hundred times,” he begins, “but it always felt wrong. It wasn’t coming from my heart, so bear with me. To start, I want to say how deeply sorry I am that I lied to you about my eating disorder. Although it wasn’t severe like some of the people here,” Riley looks around the room to make sure they’re still alone, “it was enough to start affecting my health. I want to say I’m sorry for saying those awful things to you. We had a wonderful night together and I fucked it up. If I could go back in time I would have gotten out of my head and handled that better. I know you were only trying to help. I’m sorry for ignoring your texts and calls afterward. I was ashamed. I was hurt because I knew how much I hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself knowingthat. I was also hurt because you didn’t fight for me. You didn’t fight to stay, and I thought you were done with me.”
Tears fall from Riley’s eyes. He wipes them with his middle finger on his free hand while Colin squeezes the other one still laced with his.
“Riley,” Colin seizes the moment to interject, “I left because I knew there was nothing I could say or do to help you. This all had to be on your own terms. If I stayed, it would have only pushed you further away. I just got you back and I wasn’t going to risk losing you. When I left the hotel that morning, I drove around aimlessly for hours. I just kept thinking, over and over, how I could help you. I spoke out loud to my parents asking them to be your guardian angels. To help you through this challenging time. I didn’t know what else I could do.”
Colin’s tears are now mimicking the ones on Riley’s face. Riley uses his thumb to wipe them.
Colin sees the longing in Riley’s eyes and isn’t sure where to go from here. He knows where he wants to go, but he isn’t sure Riley is on the same page. He opts to pull Riley in for another hug. The physical contact still energizes his skin. They shift on the couch and Colin tucks Riley into his side and holds him. He figures this is a good place to start.
“I won’t be going back on tour,” Riley states after a few minutes of silence.
“What?” Colin acts surprised but he already heard the news from Jax when he and Mac stopped by on New Year’s to check on him.
“I broke my contract by losing too much weight and they let me go.”
Colin squeezes him and holds him just a little bit tighter.
“I have some other ideas for my career, and I can always audition for other roles. I have made a name for myself but after that last disaster of an audition, it may take some time to rebrand my name.”
“Jax said he listened to your audition from the hallway, and you killed it.”
“The best I ever sounded. Thanks to you.”
“Huh?”
“I sangOn My OwnfromLes Mis.”
“No shit? Jax didn’t tell me that.”
They sit and talk for what seems like forever. Colin holds Riley and doesn’t let him go. He figures if Riley isn’t complaining, neither is he. Riley never asks Colin about the theater. Maybe that is one of his triggers. Maybe he thinks Colin sold it for one of the lowball offers. They can talk about it later. Colin is letting Riley lead the discussion.
“Hey,” Riley whispers with his head still on Colin’s shoulder and not meeting his eyes.
“Yeah?”
