Page 50 of Curtain Call
“You got this.”
You got this. Colin used to tell Riley the same thing before an upcoming part. Colin isn’t the man sitting at the piano in this room. The stranger, resembling Colin, sitting at the piano gives Riley a little comfort as if he were the real one. Riley, over the years, has made up a lot of scenarios in his head about a life with Colin. How could he have let himself get so close again? Believing in something that wasn’t true.
Riley slowly walks over to take his place in the center of the makeshift platform stage. The pianist begins by slowly playing the first few keys ofOn My Own from Les Miserable. Riley takes a deep breath. He knows he needs to dig far within but as he starts to sing, he doesn’t have to dig deep since he feels like the ground is pulling him in.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
Thinking back on his days in high school being the little spoon to Colin’s big spoon, Riley grins.
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
Riley has flashbacks now to the train station and the ache he felt in his chest cavity when he saw Colin for the first time in years. The smell of his intoxicating cologne. The way his hand pressed against his back when they embraced.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
When they left the museum and it was raining, Colin mentioned the sidewalk looking the same way. This was a bad choice of a song. It’s hitting too close to home. Emotions Riley hasn’t felt in a long time are starting to bubble.
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
Riley is now outside the MFA holding Colin’s hand. The twinkling Christmas lights cover the bare branches of the trees that surround the museum’s perimeter. As a light rain fell on their way to the T, Collin pulled Riley backward in a spin, only to catch him, pressing their lips together. Kissing in the rain was something that only happens in the movies and fairytales. Not to him. Not with Colin.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him
Just as Riley softly sings that last line, a string that was tugging deep in his chest was cut loose. A string that was keeping all his emotions tucked away because Riley was trying too hard to keep it together, in that one phrase of the song, Riley knew that he loved Colin wholeheartedly. Not the Colin from high school, but the Colin that was working so hard to save his little theater. Colin just wanted to love him and make him happy too.
But when the night is over
He is gone
Colinisgone. The last words Riley said to him were to fuck off. He didn’t think Colin would actually leave. Maybe Colin didn’t care because he didn’t even put up a fight.
The river's just a river
Without him
