Page 16 of Curtain Call
Riley tucked one foot underneath him in the seat and made himself comfortable while laughing at the thought of the two of them in prison. Neither would last a week. Being back with Colin felt right. It was comfortable, like putting on an old pair of tennis shoes. Except this pair was now fit and more handsome than ever.
“So, tell me more about life in New York, I need to live vicariously through you since I never made it there,” Colin places his hand back on top of Riley’s and leans over the console to whisper, “by the way, you are totally my biscuit boy.”
Colin turned left down Bayberry Road. The road was in a remote area, but it shaved about 5 minutes from the drive to their destination because it allowed him to skip a few stop signs and rotaries.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“The beginning,” Colin said while pressing the mute button on the radio. “I want to know everything. Well, maybe noteverything.”
“Gotcha,” Riley grinned.
Colin didn’t want to hear about Riley’s sexual conquests. Maybe he was uneasy talking about sex. Or maybe he would be jealous that Riley was no longer a virgin and the thought of him being with another person made his heartache in a way that it hasn’t ached before. Either way, Riley spared Colin the details of intimacy.
“When I first got to New York, I was in fight or flight mode. I didn’t know how the system worked, how to get an audition or anything. Before I got there, I answered an ad online and ended up moving in with other actors. There were four of us in a one-bedroom apartment – two slept in the living room and two in the bedroom. I waited tables in Time Square, handed out fliers in the afternoon, and did a couple of courier jobs just trying to make it.”
“Wow, sounds tough,” Colin’s expression went solemn.
“It was tough. I mean, here in this town I was a star. There, I was nobody fighting for my chance just to get in front of casting directors. I knew it was going to be a rough go, but I wasn’t expecting it to be that rough.”
“But you put in the time, and you did it. You had a dream and you followed it. I will never be more proud of you.”
Colin squeezed Riley’s hand and Riley squeezed back. He loved seeing Riley on stage. When Colin worked the spotlight, it was easy to follow his character back and forth across the stage regardless of the show. He couldn’t take his eyes off him. Like now, he wanted to just look at him if it didn’t mean he would drive the Jeep off the road.
“Thanks. That means a lot. I needed to prove myself. For my parents. Me. You.”
“Me?”
Colin realized that there is something unsaid. Something that Riley was hiding.
“Did you,” Colin’s voice was shaky and an octave higher, “um, you know, like me back then? I mean. I know you had feelings for me, but, crap-“
“I like you now.”
“Don’t deflect. You know what I mean.”
“It was hard for me to see you with other girls. If my feelings for you were platonic, I wouldn’t have had sharp nails hitting my chest every time I witnessed you taking a girl to the back row of the theater, or every time you mentioned making it to second base.”
“Um, sorry-”
“Don’t be. We were teens. We had rages of hormones pumping through us. It’s fine. But I had to move on and try to live a life without you.”
“Wait - you were jealous?”
“Anyways,” Riley continues while elbowing Colin in the shoulder. “When I was in New York City, I needed to sort all that out. Part of my therapy was letting you go.”
“And that’s why you ghosted me?”
“Yeah,” Riley admitted, “partly.”
Riley unhooked his foot from underneath him and placed it back on the floor. He felt fidgety. He felt vulnerable. He felt like he could throw up again. Partly, because the other part was Colin’s revelation of his eating disorder. He felt like he was disappointing him and that is not something Riley could handle. He never wanted to be the cause of Colin’s unhappiness. But he chose not to say any of this.
“Well, we are together now, at least until you go back to New York.”
“Can we just be in the moment while I’m here and see what happens?”
“Of course.”
Riley unhooks his fingers from Colin’s and reaches over and places his hand on the back of Colin’s neck. He gives two light squeezes while making a circular motion with his thumb. Colin lets out a quiet moan.
