Page 50 of New River Gorge(ous)
Just as she starts to lower onto the log, we hear the unmistakable sound of Connor’s shout.
Brooke springs up, ready to run. Her eyes flit to my face for a second, where I lean back on my hands, completely unresponsive to the commotion.
“Beck! What if they need help? What if Paige has fallen off the cliff?” She takes off running, and I have no choice but to follow her even though I really don’t want to interrupt their private moment.
26
Brooke
Why is Beck being so strange? Why isn’t he concerned? All thewhyquestions ricochet in my mind as I burst through the brush and onto the overlook.
I stop short.
I’m greeted by the sight of Connor, his arms around Paige, her arms clasped around his neck, and her feet slightly off the ground as he kisses her.
“Really?” he asks, pulling back, his mouth agape as he places a hand on Paige’s stomach. It hits me then. She’s pregnant. And he didn’t know.
“Really,” Paige says in reply, and Connor kisses her again.
In mortification at my near interruption, I start to back away, to let them have this time together.
“I told you to let them have their private moment.” Beck’s voice sounds from right next to my ear.
“What?” I turn toward Beck, and he’s closer than he’s ever been of his own accord. My eyes flit to his lips for a beat. It wouldbe so easy to turn and kiss him. But Beck takes a step back and leaves distance between us.
When my gaze lands on Connor and Paige again, I find that although they could be looking out at the beautiful view of the New River below, their eyes are fixed on each other.
“Congratulations, man,” Beck says to Connor, extending his hand.
Confusion flashes across Connor’s face, but then he smiles. “You knew?”
Beck shrugs. “I’m an E.R. doctor. We rule pregnancy out first thing, always.”
Connor grasps Beck’s hand and gives it a hearty shake. “I can’t believe it. I’m going to be a dad.” He turns toward Paige, and the look on his face is so full of awestruck love that I experience a punch to the gut with how beautiful it is.With how much I want that.
I want someone to look at me the way Connor looks at Paigeright now. And believe me, I have seen Connor look at Paige—an entire summer of the two of them pining after each other will do that—but there is something different in this moment.
A pang of sadness crosses through my body, and loneliness floods my very soul. Happy for Paige and Connor, yes, but sad for me. Sad for my woeful experiences with dating and staying true to my values, and sad that the man I’m interested in right now has such a huge hang-up in his past that things have to move slower than molasses in a Marquette January.
I turn away from the happy couple, and my eyes find Beck. He’s not looking at Paige and Connor, he’s looking at me. There’s a tenderness in his smile that I haven’t seen before. I’m tempted to ask him what he’s thinking, but then he quirks his eyebrow and says, “Better tell June. I’m sure she’ll have something to say about the happy news.”
I blow out a breath, trying to expel the longing from my body. “Yeah, she’ll probably get right on knitting a blanket as she asks me when I’ll be giving her a great-grandchild.”
I step around Beck and start back up the trail, but the crunch of feet on leaves behind me tells me that he followed. “So,” he says.
I turn and face him. “So?”
“So, do you want kids?” he asks point-blank.
I blink. “Uh. Yeah.”
“Hmm.” Beck offers nothing else. He remains silent, so I turn away from him and begin walking. Again, he follows. Again, not saying anything. I know he doesn’t talk a lot. I know he has a hard time thinking about the future with everything that happened with Addie, but right now, I’m emotionally shredded. I like Beck, but if the outcome of dating a man isn’t the look of pure love and joy that I witnessed on Connor’s face just now, thenwhatis the point of attraction?
Tears spring to my eyes, unbidden, and I pretend to cough so I can wipe them away without Beck seeing.
“Brooke?” Beck’s hand grasps my elbow, and he brings it gently down away from my face. “Why are you crying?” The rough pad of his other hand’s thumb swipes a tear off my cheek, and I can’t stop the words as they come bubbling out.
“Because I wantthat.” I point down the trail to where Paige and Connor are busy celebrating their joyful news. “I want to find love. And I haven’t found it yet, and every time I go out with a man, I find out they just want one thing, and it’s…” I close my eyes at the implication before continuing. “And maybe I’m just too much for guys. I know my personality is big and that I take charge, and maybe men don’t like that, but I can’t change who I am. And I do want to be a mom one day. And it’s just…” I blow out a shaky breath.
