Page 80 of You Weren't Meant to Be Human
Crane doesn’t know. He hasn’t let go of his daughter (his daughter) since she was placed in his arms. She’s finally latched to nurse, and it’s a bizarre feeling. Reminds him of the semi-painful tingling in his jaw when he bites down on a piece of fruit, saliva glands rushing to fill the mouth with spit. He keeps wincing, but it’s not that bad.
When she’s done, Levi says, “Alright, let’s introduce her.”
It takes Crane a second to understand what he means—introduce her.To who? His head is sticky and slow.
But the flies lift their shiny wings and the worms slide across each other, chattering their jaws and, oh.
Our little one,the hive whispers in the same voice they use to draw in the hungry, desperate people they feed on.She’s beautiful.
No.
Crane growls. Levi can’t have her. The urge to protect her borders on animal. It’s not her fault that half of her is made out of Levi, it’s not her fault that half of her is made out ofCrane.None of that matters. Levi doesn’t get to touch her.
She’s perfect,the hive says.Let us see her.
“C’mon.” Levi takes a step closer, but Crane jams himself against Stagger’s chest, can feel himself baring his teeth. “Don’t do this shit. She’s out of you, your job’s done. Thought you didn’t even want her.”
He—he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. This is fucking awful, and he is so aware that this obliterated some part of him he’s never going to get back. But it’s nother fault, and nobody else is going to protect her, are they? Nobody but him.
Let us see her.
Levi sighs. Gets himself down on Crane’s level. Snaps his fingers to get his attention.
Crane is going to kill him. The moment the strength is back in his limbs, themoment, Crane is going to grab that shotgun and put a slug through his head and fucking kill him.
Oh child, she will not make it without us.
She needs us just as we need her.
Levi says, “Look at me.”
Levi lifts the hem of his shirt to show the scar.
Under the skin, it’s moving. Just like it was before. The baby snuffles and coughs like she knows something’s not right, like she can feel Crane’s panicked heartbeat through the skin of his chest. She probably can. She’s been listening to it for so long.
“See?” Levi says. “They did it to me. I took it fine.”
Is that what happened in McDowell? To Stagger? In the workshops Irene talked about?
We have tried so many times,the hive says,to make ourselves as perfect for this world as we can. To make ourselves in the image of our children.
To walk among you instead of hiding in dark rooms.
To see the sun on our faces.
Levi lowers his shirt. How many times was Crane eye level with that scar when he was sucking Levi’s cock? How many times did he accidentally brush it when they were naked together?
“Barely even hurt,” Levi says. “Our friend over here, though—” His eyes slide to Stagger. Crane realizes there is a version of all this where Stagger was the father. He chews through the scenario in a heartbeat, swallows it whole, wonders if this would have been easier with someone who treated him gently. “Not gonna lie, I thought he was going to manage it. Guess not. Fucked him up pretty bad.”
The father’s compatibility with our flesh; the mother’s bitterness and hunger and submission.
She will be perfect. She will be beautiful. She will carry us into the sun.
Crane is biting the inside of his cheek so hard the thin membranes pop between his teeth.
His child is a little girl, and he sees the writing on the wall.
This is no universe in which they don’t do to her exactly what they did to him.
