Page 93 of Puck to the Heart
Coach continued, placing a hand on my shoulder. Er, shoulder pad. “What do we do if we miss the shot?”
“Keep skating,” the team intoned.
“And what do we do if we get knocked down?”
“Get back up again,” they sang, like ChumbaWumba.
It was too fucking much. Questions followed me as I shoved through the locker room door in search of empty space to breathe. I ignored all the calls.
Allen questioning me left me wondering if maybe I shouldn’t be the one in charge. My decisions did nothing but get people hurt.
Polly’sgentle hand on my arm kept me from bolting to the ice, but when she caught my concern, she gave me directions to the locker room. Even though friends and family weren’t allowed in during the game, I charged down to the locker room. The look of abject horror on Ash’s face after the other guy went flying had me on my feet, ready to jump the barrier to get to him.
A million scenarios ran through my head as I bypassed the other spectators and found the security guard at the door to the locker room.
“Um. Can I get in to see Ash? I’m his—we’re… together.”
“You and every other girl sneaking down here.” The tall man had pale skin and kind but tired eyes.
“No, I actuallyam.” Sort of. Maybe.Hopefully.
“Save it, sister.” Now he was annoyed, placing his hand on the flashlight strapped to his belt.
“Seriously, look!” Thrusting my phone at the guard, I waved it in his face. The background depicted Ash squishing his face against mine. He’d changed it weeks ago when I wasn’t looking. It was one of the only photos we had together, so I couldn’t bear to change it. I couldn’t bear to look at it either.
“It’s a nice fake, but I’ve seen some better ones. Computers can do all kinds of things these days.” When he leaned back, his belt creaked.
“What the fuck, man? It’s real.” Should I try to make a break for it? I wasn’t fast, but maybe if I slipped past him...
“Liv?” A familiar voice called. Coach Olsen approached, the slap of his dress shoes echoing in the concrete hallway.
“Coach!” I waved frantically, warm relief flooding my system.
“She’s fine. You can let her in.”
“Is Ash…” I trailed off, meeting the coach’s warm, brown eyes.
“Go talk to him but make it quick. Intermission is over in ten.”
“Yes, Coach.” Saluting was stupid, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I was almost afraid to pass the guard after his interrogation, so I pushed past the barrier to get away before he changed his mind. “Thanks!” I called to him. He still gave me an ‘I’m watching you’ glare.
A few yards down the hall, I asked, “How did you know?”
“Ms. Polly texted me. How are you, Liv? Been a while.”
Our steps echoed as we passed through the halls toward the low thrum of voices.
“I’m good. I got a new job at Portland State.”
“Congratulations. Ash is in here.” We stood outside a door marked ‘meeting room’.
Coach pushed it open and waved me inside. Dark and musty, the room was more like a cave. At the back of the room, Ash sat with his back to us. Stark white, his name glowed against the darkness of the room and the blue on his jersey. Sitting with his head in his hands, elbows propped on his knees, I had never seen a man so despondent.
“Sitting in the dark never did anyone any good, Wilder,” I said, once Coach walked away.
“I’m fine.” His voice sounded… defeated. Hollow. And definitively not fine. He didn’t turn to face me.
