Page 59 of Puck to the Heart
“See …?”
“My grandmother told me my agent went out with one of my teammates. Someone caught them making out in a club and it blew up because she was his agent too. I asked her about it, and she said it was a one-time thing, a mistake. And I couldn't even be mad at my teammate because Nora wanted to keep our relationship secret. But a guy on another team punched me out during a game, and we found out how many of us there were. Worst game of my life, too. We all fought over this person who did nothing but hurt us all and we chose to go after each other instead. And that’s when I got the name Basher. It was messed up.”
A slow dawning horror crept over Olivia’s face, the blue of her eyes growing stormy as it spread. Until anger overtook the horror, the crimson spread over her cheeks like a slow-burning fire. At least she didn't interrupt, remaining silent to allow me to finish it all in one fell swoop.
"And I still don't know what her goal was, or if she even had one. But after everything came out, I felt, I don't know, used, I guess. Dirty. In the end, when I confronted her, she said all I was good for was my body—for hockey and a good lay. She never had faith I'd make it far."
Olivia's sharp inhale hissed through her teeth.
"I lost it. I took everything she said to heart and did nothing but prove her right. It's when I did the photo shoot. I wanted to own the new, negative image. Once I got the fame and notoriety, Nora somehow took credit. It’s like I tried to create this thing for myself, to own an incredibly deep hurt she'd caused and…” I took a deep breath, inhaling the faint hint of Olivia’s perfume mingled with the scent of my cologne. “I realized I was going about it the wrong way, and that was when I started getting the tattoos. The new version of myself no one else had seen. Taking it back, having something for myself.”
I didn’t know what to expect from Olivia, but her palm resting on my jaw to gently lift my face to meet her gaze wasn’t it.
“Ash. I’m proud of you. And I know I said it already, but you aresomuchmorethan,” she mimicked my earlier gesture, “the muscles. I hope she got what was coming to her.”
“The agency let her go, but that’s the last I heard. I didn’t want to know more. Distanced myself from the whole… situation.”
“That’s probably smart.” The trace of her thumb across my cheekbone was so comforting, and I let my eyes close as she slid her hand around to cup the back of my neck and press her forehead to mine. “Are you okay? Do you need to process more?”
I knew what she meant. But talking about it brought it too near the surface, and it was best if I let it drift away.
“Let’s go to bed. If you want to stay?” Asking her when I really wanted to beg her not to leave sliced through me like the time I cut my palm on a skate and watched the blood drip red onto fresh ice.
“Of course, I want to stay. If you want me to.”
Thank fuck. If she left, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.
Together, we went through the motions of getting ready for bed, and it was so nice to be silent, not to have to keep up the bravado for once. Watching her scrub off the makeup I’d watched her put on so meticulously was a revelation. Seeing her triumphantly pull a toothbrush from her purse made me want to learn every tiny aspect of her; every minute detail making her…her. Brushing my teeth with her doing the same beside me was a study in parallels and angles, the way our eyes kept meeting and darting away.
At first, I thought she pitied me, but then she winked and stuck out her tongue. And I realized something had shifted. Everything I threw at her, she just…took it. She didn’t run away, hadn’t looked at me differently.
She stayed.
Sleep was a battle,and I woke with too many questions swirling around in my head. Something more was bothering Ash, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. And pushing him about it would make it worse. Or it would make things worse for me if our situations were reversed.
So, I lay in the dark stillness of Ash’s bed and brooded. My phone told me it was a full two hours before I would normally wake, and I had the miserable decision of trying to decide if it was worth it to try to go back to sleep.
It was not.
At least a fic update waited in my email; my favorite author did a double update. Bless them.
High thread counts never seemed important before, but the smooth fabric tangled around my legs washeavenlysoft. The firm weight of his duvet, a deep wine red, held me in place without making me feel trapped, and thepillows. Perfectly soft, but still firm enough to keep from squishing to a pillow pancake. The smoky, spicy scent he wore clung to the sheets, and it smelled so good I wanted to roll around it. Would he notice if I sprayed it on the jersey he gave me? And with the soft breathing of the man beside me…it was probably the most comfortable I’d ever been. He might have to use a crane to make me leave.
Half an hour passed with me on my side, tugging the blanket over my head to shield Ash from the light of my screen as I scrolled through a particularly detailed scene that left me a bit… well… it was convenient I was in bed with a beautiful man who did things to my body I’d never experienced before.
But then guilt flooded, remembering Ash’s reaction to my reaching for him before. And it was another pang to my heart, wondering if I’d ever experience it with him. Would I be able to help him past his hangups?
As if he heard me thinking about him, Ash rolled over, aligning his front to my back. Again, he did nothing about the erection prodding my backside.
“I want to show you something.” His breath tickled the back of my neck, and I shivered.
But something in his voice told me he was being serious, and a dick joke would be in poor taste. Thankfully, I was awake enough to keep my mouth shut; if I just woke up, there would be no stopping it.
“It’s so early. I think it’s still dark out.”
“It is. Come on, we’ll need coffee for this. It’s going to be cold.”
Slowly, I eased out of the luxurious bed and followed him to the kitchen, watching while he made French press coffee. When it was ready, he took my free hand, taking me through the kitchen and the garage to a small door nearly hidden behind the cars. Once we pushed through the door and closed it behind us, cold hit me in the face and Ash’s warmth left as he stepped away. Crunching leaves marked his path for a few feet until light flooded my vision. When my eyes adjusted, I took it all in with a gasp.
