Page 46 of Puck to the Heart
“And what’s that?”
I stepped even closer, pulling her into my space and pressing our bodies together. “At the risk of sounding cocky, stamina. Because I’m betting he wasn’t training cardio every day by skating at twenty-five miles per hour across two hundred feet of ice a million times a day. Not to mention all the strength training. But I think the biggest advantage I have, Olivia,” I let my voice drop into its lowest register, feeling her shiver beneath my fingertips as I traced one cheekbone with my thumb and slid my hands into her hair to tilt her head back, “is that I really,reallywant to make you come.”
Clarity always seemedto come from hot water, and I made my decision while attempting to drown my insecurities under one too many shower heads.
My freak out over Alex began with memories of his disgust when I took too long to have an orgasm at his hands but ended up somewhere a lot deeper. Because if I was being honest with myself, Ash had been there for me more in the weeks I’d known him than the two years I spent with Alex. Ash, I trusted, but me, not so much. As much as I didn’t want to get bogged down in my own head for any aspects of our fledgling relationship, much less the physical, I knew me, and I knew it was inevitable.
But I still wanted to try. Ash never did anything by halves, and even if I never made it to an orgasm, I would bet we’d have a damn good time.
Damp tendrils of hair clung to my neck, and in the hazy mirror, their outline on my skin matched the winding tattoos on Ash’s arms. Damn, those tattoos. I wondered what they’d look like against my skin, his arms bracketing me while he—stop thinking about—wait Icanthink about him like that now.
The Ash in my mind had me bent over the bench seat in the shower before I finished pulling on the soft grey t shirt he left for me. At least he was tall enough for the material to mostly cover my assets, even if it clung to them a little more than usual.
Stepping out of the bathroom on a cloud of steam revealed the real Ash, and he wassomuch better. All solid and warm and delicious. And looking like he wanted to devour me whole.
When I told him what I wanted and he tipped my head back to kiss me, at least half of the screaming insecurities in my head vanished.
The half that stayed, well, I had a feeling he could talk me through it the way he’d talked me through the concert and the flight.
All I knew when he kissed me was the press of our bodies, the sensation of my skin heating, blazing from proximity to him. With this new level of intimacy, I didn’t want to grow accustomed to it only to watch him rip it away from me. Yes, I’d given him big words, butIwas still the one who had to back them up.
But all those declarations fled when his hand slid against the bare skin of my hip. For the moment, everything narrowed down to my senses, alight in this heady new desire. The scent of Ash’s cologne barely tinged the air, probably from him spraying it before walking out every day, painting the room with the scent of spice and smoke, of him. Our sharp breaths as he moved his mouth to skim along my jaw, falling lower to suck at the pulse point beneath, and a little gasp at the scrape of his teeth. The minty taste of toothpaste and Ash lingered on my tongue. Soft fabric and warm skin beneath my fingertips as I pulled him closer. The soft, brownish black of his irises, the pupils blown wide as he pulled back to look at me. “Do you want to move to the bed? Or we can make this work right here.”
Something in his voice sent shivers down my spine, but I didn’t answer. I wanted him, and he wanted me. Why couldn’t it be that simple?
“Barnes?”
I closed my eyes, breathing him in.
“Olivia, we don’t have to?—”
“No, I want to do this.” It came out harsh when I only meant honesty, and I felt him tense beneath my palms.
Shit shit shit.Breath caught in my throat.
“I can hear you thinking.” Ash loomed over me, the heat of his body burning mine through the thin cotton of our clothes.
“I can’tstopthinking.” I hated how small my voice sounded. Hated how much I wanted something with no conceivable way of achieving it. Maybe I should give him an out.
“What are you thinking about?” The stroke of his thumb over my hip erased everything else except the one thing I wastryingnot to think about.
“I don’t see how this—I—can be good for you.”
“I keep telling you Iwantto make you feel good, but I guess I’m going to have to show you.” The hand not on my hip came up to rest lightly on the side of my neck, his long fingers sliding beneath my ear. With his thumb, he gently tilted my face up until I met his gaze. “Iwant,” he said, with an intensity that might’ve frightened me if I weren’t so captivated by it. “To show you what anyone who’s fucked you before should have done.”
Every drop of blood in my veins ran hot and cold at the same time at his tone. Commanding, but still soft, though the darkness in his eyes told me how much restraint he exerted in his infinite patience. My mouth went dry.
“I told you I’ve wanted every part of you since that very first night.” Crowding even closer to me, the heat of his body nearly singed mine, we were so close. My hands might have shaken where they rested on his chest if he hadn’t surrounded me completely, his arms bracketing me and closing off the room until we were all that remained. “Let me show you and put me out of my misery.”
The words didn’t quite compute, misery and desire didn’t align. How did me making him miserable equate to him wanting me?
“Olivia,please. Let me give you what you deserve.”
Another layer covered his words, but I was too lost to parse out the meaning without data or formulas. His hand at my neck eased higher, cradling the back of my head and caressing my cheekbone with a sweep of his thumb.
My harsh breathing mingled with his as I debated how to cross into this uncharted territory. Unexplored expanses of space I’d never occupied because I was always the problem; I was too much and not enough, never knew which face to give to people when my real self was so small and fragile.
All I could say was, “Please.” We were barreling toward an intimacy I hadn’t fully prepared for but realized how badly I wanted.
