Page 19 of Puck to the Heart
On the plane, I fell back to let Olivia choose her seat, unsure where she’d be most comfortable. She chose a window seat, and I settled beside her. While we waited for everyone to finish loading, I fished a bag of sour gummy worms from my bag and offered her a few.
“If the trainers see these, they’re yours, okay? Candy is contraband.” Most of the time, I followed the trainers’ high-protein meal plans, but sour candy was my weakness. And candy in general. And anything Nana cooked.
With a little laugh, Olivia took a few brightly colored candy worms, then flipped her headphones up and leaned sideways to rest her head against the wall. Our spacious seats were comparable to first class on commercial flights, but she squished herself into a tiny space, radiating tension. The tapping of her fingers in a blurring rhythm broadcast her anxiety louder than if she’d screamed it in my ear.
An idea struck me, and I rummaged in my bag again, pulling out another bag of illegal candy and a paperback I plucked at random off a shelf in Nana’s side of the library. We used the room equally, but it was definitelyNana’slibrary. In my house. My love of reading came from my grandparents, though, so I didn’t begrudge her the use of the space. Besides, she had excellent taste in reading material. The book in my hand had a floral cover, but when I flipped through it before leaving, it almost mademeblush. And there was magic, always a plus, and I lost myself in the pages.
Finally, we began taxiing down the runway. Olivia’s knuckles whitened around her cup in one hand and an e-reader in the other. I wondered what she was reading, but the faint green tinge to her face made me keep my question to myself. For now, anyway. Captain Jill was the best pilot, always giving us smooth landings and take-offs, but maybe Olivia was just a bad flyer. Dark sky surrounded us as we ascended, leaving the lights of Portland behind us, and an audible swallowing came from Olivia’s direction.
“What’re you reading?”
“What?” Strain squeezed the word into a little exhale.
I reached out and tapped the e-reader.
“Oh. Umm. Nothing.” Her eyes flicked away.
“Hmm. Wanna see mine?” I showed her the book, then held it out to the page I marked.
When her jaw dropped, which was the exact reaction I wanted from her, I laughed. “Borrowed this one from Nana.”
“Pollydoeshave excellent taste. Fine, I’ll show you, but I will hear no judgment.”
I raised my hands. “Who am I to judge?”
The page I read held words I understood in theory, but put together in that context, made no sense. “Barnes.” I nudged her with an elbow, not wanting to take my eyes off the page, “What’s slick? And knotting? And?—”
“Oh my— I didnotexpect you to actually read it!” The words came out somewhere between a hiss and a shriek.
“Isthiswhat you were reading at the game?” Even though I didn’t understand half of it, I got why it entertained her. Hell, I was intrigued after a single page.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” The tilt of her mouth when she said it turned contrite and a little wicked. She put her coffee in the cupholder, pressing her teeth into her bottom lip like she held back a laugh.
Bewildered was an understatement. What could she possibly have been reading for her to look so… evil? Was it a treatise on murdering unsuspecting hockey players? Some kind of weird tentacle porn? Which honestly sounded kind of intriguing.
“Fine, I suppose I can tell you about my… little problem.” The last two words sounded the same as her expression, a little bit devious.
Huh. What did that mean? Drugs? Drinking? No, not this girl. I took a sip of the sparkling water I ordered in lieu of coffee , reevaluating my impression of her. But no, she still had that straight-A student vibe, a little bit prickly maybe, but I wouldn’t have pegged her for being addicted to anything stronger than caffeine and maybe true crime podcasts. All I really knew about her was her love of music, her use of something called a penetrometer, and how quickly she dropped everything to get to someone she loved. I knew better than to assume I knew someone based on a first impression, but I also couldn’t resist needling her to get that fiery look in her eye. “Barnes, you’re a deviant. I bet you have a naughty little collection of sex toys.”
Pink stained her cheeks, but she met my eyes. “I have a drawer full of sex toys, but I only started my collection recently.” The pretty pink flush turned to beet red, and her eyes flicked away.
Nowshecaught me off guard. I never would’ve expected her to be so candid, and clearly, she didn’t mean to be, based on that blush. “How interesting.” I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest. The ring on my middle finger pressed into the pad of my thumb as I spun it, waiting for her to continue.
“Anyway,” this she said with narrowed eyes. “If we’re going to bethissort of friends, fine. I’ll tell you, but I still don’t want any judgment.”
Raising my hands again in surrender, I told her, “I’m the last person to judge anyone, for anything. Your dirty little secret is safe with me.”
“Ugh. It’s not a dirty secret. I just don’t talk about it.”
“Isn’t that a secret?”
“No, but I assume no one wants to hear about the things I care about.”
What an awful thing to say. I wondered if the person who listed the flaws she recited at me told her that.
She traced the lid of her coffee cup with a finger, following the circle back and forth a few times before continuing. “Ugh, fine. It’s not like we ever have to talk about it again.” I wanted to tell her I’d bring it up at every opportunity, just to see that blush again, but I refrained, too intrigued to interrupt. “I discovered fanfiction after a breakup, when I only wanted to find my favorite characters having happy endings. Facing down uncertain endings hurt too much. It started with romance novels, but sometimes the anxiety of not knowing made familiar settings and characters easier. I was really vulnerable and lonely, and it felt sort of like rediscovering old friends.” When she finished, she sagged a little, like the declaration took a lot out of her.
“Okay, and? What’re you so embarrassed about?”
