Page 7 of Sliding Into Love
Social worker visits never turned out the way Ivy expected. As a child, a familiar cold sense of dread trickled through her limbs, gradually gathering over days, so slowly that she didn’t notice until the weight became so heavy, she nearly felt immovable with worry. She’d never had the excitement some of the other children in the system had shown when the state employee assigned to their cases appeared, brown folder in hand, and good or bad news waiting with a piece of paper. No, Ivy only ever knew the system, and there had only been truly good news once.
With that single instance, her life changed forever for the better. And she was so grateful to be able to offer it to Jase and Janna now, even if they were only placed with her temporarily. No matter how much Ivy yearned to make it permanent. For their sake and hers.
At this particular moment, the visit in question was due to happen in an hour, and Ivy, as usual, was running behind. That was something that hadn’t changed with two new additions to her life. Janna, who never slept in, still lay curled up in her bed, snoring softly, and Ivy was loath to wake her. A moment of peace was rare in the mornings, and if she hurried, maybe she’d have time to whip up a nice breakfast to start the day off strong. She might be a terrible cook, but scrambled eggs, toast, and instant oatmeal were typically manageable. Beside her, Jase stood quietly at the toaster, waiting for the next two slices to pop up.
“Do you want jam?” Ivy asked, opening the fridge. “We have strawberry and grape.”
He remained silent as he pushed the button down again.
“Jase?”
With a startling crash, Jase dropped his plate on the fading vinyl countertop. Wide-eyed, Ivy stared at the usually reserved little boy, truly looking at him for the first time that morning. Dark circles lay beneath his dark eyes, a stark contrast to the unusual pallor of his skin.
“I don’t want to leave.” His voice was small, and his eyes flitted away before they met hers.
Time blurred, and Ivy stood in another dingy kitchen, the same words leaving her mouth. But hers were too quiet to be heard. She’d had no one to fight for her, to hold on to her, keep her safe. No oneunderstood. Not like she did.
Setting the skillet on the back burner, Ivy switched off the stove. Gently moving the plate aside, she leaned her hip on the counter, close to Jase but without touching him, her hands held out if he wanted to take them.
He didn’t.
Swallowing past the tightness in her throat, Ivy said, “I think it’s a regular visit. Ms. Nayomi is just coming to check on us. It’ll be okay.” That sounded real enough, she thought. No reason to add her anxieties to his.
“But what if it’s not?”
Maybe he wasn’t happy living with her? But no, he’d said he didn’t want to leave. No one ever reassured her when she’d been in his position, so how was she supposed to help him?
“Jase, I’m not—” No, that wasn’t right. “I don’t know—” Her thoughts wouldn’t come out through the buzzing in her head. A whooshing breath left her lungs. “Okay. I’ll be real with you, buddy. This is hard for me, too. But we can get through it together. Ms. Nayomi is just coming to make sure everything is going well. That’s all.”
A jerky little nod was Jase’s only response, but he held her outstretched hands for a second before darting to the table with a plateful of toast.
There was no time for her to check her email, but she opened the app without thinking. Her heart soared when she saw one from a local school district. After reading through the message five times, her heart rate returned to normal. The high school where she’d completed the student teaching component of her degrees would have a new spot available for the next school year; one of their beloved Bio teachers planned to retire after the current school year. The assistant principal remembered Ivy and requested that she apply, implying that the job was hers in all but paperwork, and once the budget revisions for the next year were approved, they’d extend more official news. Because she had no time to respond, she set four reminders on her phone before racing to Janna’s room to get her out of bed.
Elation skipped through Ivy’s limbs right up until Nayomi knocked on the door half an hour later. Then dread settled in its place, leaving her drained before the meeting began. She was relieved to have gotten both kids and herself presentable in that short amount of time. Ivy opened the door and ushered Nayomi in, marveling as always at howbeautifulthe other woman was. A few inches taller than Ivy, Nayomi had medium-brown skin that turned luminous in sunlight, and dark hair she usually wore spiraling out from her head in a pretty halo of curls. Soft-spoken and gentle, the social worker had a smile that Ivy was certain would have landed her a modeling gig on the spot if she’d ever come across an agent.
The two women sat at the table for coffee as they ran down the checklist they covered with each visit.
“Do you have any concerns? Has anything changed since I saw you last?” Nayomi held her pen poised over her legal pad, ready to jot down any misstep Ivy made.
“No!” Ivy blurted, then backtracked trying to soften her answer. “I mean, no. Everything is great!”
“Is Jase having any problems at school?
“His grades are great!” Shit, surely she knew words other than great? Why couldn’t she think of any?
“Has he made any friends?”
Remembering her conversation with Derek, Ivy hedged. “I’ve been thinking of signing him up for baseball. Umm, Little League?”
Nayomi tapped her pen on her chin, looking thoughtful. “You might want to ease him into it since he’s still seeming uncomfortable around his peers, but I think that could be a great idea.”
A little whoosh of air escaped Ivy, grateful that her idea had gone over well.
After a few more moments running through Nayomi’s checklist, she requested to speak to the kids, and Ivy shuffled them into the kitchen. Janna, of course, was always excited and happy. Jase, though, still had that hard set to his jaw, as though bracing for the worst. It painedIvy to see it still there, and no matter what she ran through in her mind, nothing magically came to her to ease his worry.
Her past and less-than-pleasant memories of the same process kept replaying on a loop in her head as she tried to listen to the kids’ conversations with Nayomi. Even though Jase was generally quiet, his tone was clipped, his sentences nearly monosyllabic as he spoke to Nayomi, and Ivy watched in horror as the social worker took more notes than usual.
Breathe in deep. Now, hold it. Breathe out. It’s going to be okay, Ivy had to remind herself. Sheknewit was a regular visit, but she couldn’t still the anxiety swirling through her, telling her torun, toget outbefore they made her leave.
