Page 21 of Longing for Liberty
“Very good,” he said. And with one more intense moment of staring, he casually turned and walked toward the dining room, leaving me standing there with my stockings in my hand, feeling unmistakably turned on.
No, no, no.
I turned, my mouth parched, and finished shoving laundry into the dryer. My hand shook as I turned the dial and started the machine. There’s no way I was aroused by the Secretary. He just caught me at a vulnerable moment. That was all.
Dizzy again, I leaned on the machine, trying to calm every single stupid nerve ending that was firing off in my body. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be safe with Jeremy. An hour and a half to go.
It took all of my willpower to force myself back out into the hall with my bare legs and feet. I set my shoes and stockings neatly by the door and hurried into the kitchen, not looking at the Secretary as I passed where he sat with his laptop at the dining table.
I felt overly exposed, knowing he was making surreptitious glances my way while he worked. My feet felt so much better though. Without the heels, tension seeped from my back, and without the distractions of that pain, my aching core pulsed again, reminding me it was still a needy, annoying issue.
Not once did I look at the Secretary as I finished my work.
“Would you like your dinner now, sir?” My voice slightly trembled.
“Yes.”
I brought it to him at the dining table and caught sight of the paper he held. In bold at the top, it said:Community Four Establishment Timeline. Under it was a bullet point list of Month One, Month Two, down to Month Twelve.
Oh, shit, I shouldn’t be looking at that.
My heart raced as I set down the plate and quickly took my stockings and shoes to the bathroom to dress again. I stood beside the door with the basket in my arms, staring down at the floor.
“Am I free to go, sir?”
My heart thundered as I heard the chair scrape back and the sound of his shoes approaching.
“Look at me, Liberty,” he said in that steady tone.
I raised my eyes, my body feelingallof the things as he ensnared me in his sight.
“How do your feet feel?”
“Better, sir.” My voice was embarrassingly raspy. “Thank you.”
He studied me, and I had never felt more nervous. Was he going to reach for me? My breathing was too fast and shallow, and I was certain he could tell. I gripped the basket like a shield between us as I braced myself.
His blue eyes flicked down to my legs and slid back up to my face. “From now on, take them off when you arrive.”
“Yes, sir.”
He turned away then. That was it?
“Good night, sir,” I quickly said to his back before I turned and got the hell out of there.
* * *
On the bus,my mind was scrambled. The older man beside me played solitaire on his phone, his clothes hanging off his frame. On my other side a young woman scrolled through the lottery app at the possible prizes to be won. A blare tore from their devices at once, making all of us jump. As one, everyone on the bus pulled out their phones, including me, and looked at the alert, this one written like a banner across the screen.
Breaking News! The last cell of the anti-State terror organization has been rooted out and destroyed in Community Four! Efforts and funds can now be fully allocated to building neighborhoods in C-4 to the same high standards as Communities One, Two, and Three. As always, if you see any suspicious activities, notify a State forceman immediately.
Several people cheered, and it unnerved me to see sincere smiles from many people on the bus. I forced myself to make a bright-eyed expression as I slipped my phone back into my purse and thought about the paperwork Fitzhugh had been reading.
After the fall of America, when so many of the states had been bombed and then condemned for safety hazards and possible nuclear radiation, the remaining areas had been broken into four communities that made up one State. I’d yet to see a map of the new State. And though I didn’t trust the government, I wondered…was there really a resistance group? I refused to call them terrorists. And if so, were they really eradicated? I’d be lying if I said the text hadn’t made my hope dry up a little. In the back of my mind, I needed to believe that somewhere, somehow, someone was still trying to fight for our freedom.
I peered around the bus at all of the white faces, and wondered for the millionth time…where were all the people who didn’t look like me? Because they weren’t in Community One. I hadn’t seen any diversity since that day. The day we were to flee the country. The worst day of my life. My heart squeezed as if my rib cage were tightening around it as I remembered.
EIGHT
