Page 11 of Longing for Liberty
I watched his jaw tighten as he bent, rubbing a hand over his head, brown hair buzzed short like all working-class men. He shifted in his seat, then cleared his throat. “Yes. This is huge. Congratulations.” His light brown eyes, now resembling a dust storm, did not reflect those sentiments.
We stared at one another. My eyes watered, and he took my hands. The one thing we’d always tried to do was stay under the radar. Never doing anything that would get us noticed.
“Well, I don’t know about you,” Jeremy said, “but I’m hungry. You’re going to need basil from the garden for the spaghetti.” It was actually he who needed basil, but I got his meaning.
“Of course. Let me change real quick.”
I peeled off the uniform, throwing it into the wash, and climbed into my comfortable, loose cotton dress. It was colorless, like sand, with no frills, falling below my knees. Then I slipped my feet into the lounging shoes with rubber soles that workers wore at home and in their neighborhoods. I brushed my hair and redid my ponytail.
“I’ll join you to stretch my legs,” Jeremy said. He never let go of my hand as we left the apartment and walked down the sidewalk toward the garden. We were sure to greet everyone along the way. Walks after work were encouraged, so the sidewalks were busy. I didn’t relax until we were at the edge of the acre with rows of fruit bushes and vegetable plants, lined with an orchard and nut trees, all for our neighborhood. The garden backed up against a massive forest.
We walked to the section of herbs. As I stooped to examine the basil leaves, Jeremy squatted and pulled a few weeds, tossing them behind us in the dry grass. Another couple was also in the garden, laughing about the size of a zucchini they’d found, but they weren’t in earshot.
“Libby?”
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “I had a panic attack.” At the way he stiffened with fear, I quickly added, “Nobody saw me. I hid in the bathroom.”
Jeremy ran a hand over his head and down his face, grimacing. “Did you meet him?”
“Yeah,” I said, feeling a chill despite the warmth. “He knew everything about me—must’ve done a background check—and he asked…about the kids.” I stared so hard at the basil that my vision went fuzzy.
“Babe, look at me.” I did. The muscle in his jaw flexed, and he placed a hand on my knee. “I need you to know it’s going to be okay.”
All I could do was nod. By reassuring him, maybe I could reassure myself.
He was quiet for a long moment. “What can we do?” he asked.
“Break one of my legs?” I suggested, letting out a caustic laugh.
“Not funny,” he grumbled. “Why did they choose you?”
“Because I’m older, I think.” I yanked a weed and felt satisfied when the roots came out. “She made it sound like the last girl stole something.” I didn’t want to tell him about the pregnancy, especially since I wasn’t sure what to believe. Jeremy didn’t need that in his head.
“Well, he doesn’t have anything we need, so that won’t be a problem. Just keep your eyes down. Stay quiet.”
I nodded to myself. “Yes.”
A low hum sounded from behind the nearest row of houses, and I went still as I saw Jeremy’s body tense. A drone. Sure enough, it came out to the garden and did a circle around us. We kept our attention on the herbs, pretending to be super interested in their growth until the drone buzzed its way back to the sidewalks to monitor others out and about. I shivered and exhaled. I hated those things, always watching, always listening.
Jeremy reached over and rubbed my knee. “This will be fine.” His voice was full of hope, as if he were manifesting it. “You’ve gotta stay strong. Don’t ever let anyone see you panicking.”
I kept nodding.
Jeremy lowered his voice. “Maybe he won’t be…so bad.”
He was bad. We both knew it. But still, I nodded and shifted a rosemary plant to get underneath it. The pungent fragrance wafted to me, and I was struck by a stab of longing for my oldest daughter, Summer. From the time she was old enough to stand on a chair, she’d wanted to be at the kitchen counter with me. Her favorite thing we made was rosemary bread. I reached out and snapped off a twig, bringing it to my nose as my eyes burned and my heart swayed.
My babies.
I sniffed hard and cleared my throat. “He’s the one in charge of the military and police, right?” I plucked four basil leaves now. We had to take from the garden carefully so as not to be reported as greedy.
“Yes.” Jeremy held out his hand for the herbs, careful not to bruise them. We both stood to face one another. The massive communal garden was empty now, but I heard voices around corners of neighbors talking and saw two guards patrolling a distance away.
I looked up into my husband’s face. I still found him so good looking after all these years. He had a ruggedness to him from working with his hands in construction that I found sexy. Jeremy, my college sweetheart whom I’d met freshman year, took my chin and looked deep into my eyes.
“No matter what happens, we’ll be okay.”
I nodded my head, afraid I’d cry if I tried to speak. We’d already lost everything except one another. What was I afraid of at this point?
