Page 93 of Sparks
“Day after tomorrow. I need to call and set it all up.”
She made a face and shook her head. “You know you won’t get any pay while you’re gone. No leave time yet.”
“I know,” I said. “My parents are giving me a stack of savings bonds to cash in. That’s the only way I could afford to do this. And flying with our discount, of course.”
“Can’t beat a twenty-dollar trip to Paris,” Holly agreed. Then she patted my hand. “You’ll do fine. But you need to check in every day. Post your pictures so we can see that you’re okay.”
I agreed. “I’m nervous to call work. What if they try to fire me for asking for time off already?”
Holly shook her head. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Call and see. I’ll be here with you.”
I dialed work and the grumpy dispatcher answered. “Um, hi Dena. It’s Harlow Robinson.”
“Yeah?” she said.
For a second I nearly lost my nerve, but Holly nodded for me to go on. “I’m wondering what crew I’m flying with tomorrow?”
“Russo didn’t request you, if that’s what you’re asking. He took the next three days off. Still want me to look?”
My stomach plummeted, and I felt myself frown. Three days off. Just as I’d known would happen.
“No.” My voice sounded grainy. “Actually, my main reason for calling is that I need to take a week off for personal reasons, starting the day after tomorrow.”
“Ooh.” Her voice sounded doubtful. “Let me look.”
She clicked around. “I can give you six days. Will that do?”
“Yes!” I smiled and nodded at Holly, who pretended to silently cheer. And then I blurted, “I’m going to Paris!” and immediately wished I hadn’t said it.
“Paris?” the dispatcher asked. “You ever been there in early spring?”
“No. This will be my first time. I’m going alone.”
“Hm. Well. It’s chilly. Wear layers. And scarves. They’re all about the scarves.”
“Have you been?” I asked her, surprised for some reason. I imagined her living in her dispatcher box.
“I have.” Her voice sounded wistful and I tried to picture her smiling. “Favorite place on Earth.”
“Want to come with me?” I joked.
That made her laugh, which turned to a cough. “I wish. Have fun, doll. I’ve got you in the system.”
“Thank you so much!”
I hung up and nodded at Holly, who squealed. A bloom of excitement stretched open inside of me, its sweet fragrance filling me with hope. This was what I needed. To be far, far away from Shawn when he was getting married. To distance myself from Silas, whose wife was fighting to get him back, and whose friendship I might have ruined. To focus on what I wanted from life and prove that I could take care of myself. I could rely on myself. Yes, a partner would be nice, but I didn’tneedanyone. At least, I hoped I didn’t.
If seats were open in first class or business, airline employees were often bumped up free of charge. I knew that, but I still felt like a kid at Disney when my name was called and they changed my seat to business class. It felt like a dream taking my huge seat. I peered around the cabin area with a goofy expression that I couldn’t get rid of, while everyone else settled in as if it were no big deal.
Yeah, I was an imposter in business class. But I still asked for hot tea, added plenty of sugar, and then stuck my pinky out when I took a sip. Hey, that would make a great first selfie of my trip! I posed with my tea, snapping several to capture that perfectly fancy feeling, and then caught sight of an older man in a suit glaring at me. I put my phone away and slunk down in my oversized seat, sipping my tea out of his sight and trying not to giggle.
I couldn’t wait to show that picture to Shawn and tell him—wait. That wasn’t going to happen. I shut my eyes, realizing I’d done it again. It was so hard to change my frame of mind. And when I pushed my thoughts away from Shawn they went to Silas, who had surely taken those three days off to enjoy Jacquie’s “company.”
Ugh. Tea was not going to cut it. I needed something stronger.
I managed to get three and a half hours of sleep on the plane. I’d been too excited, and it took me forever to fall asleep, despite my comfy arrangements. When we landed my head felt bleary and sudden anxiety kicked in. I was in a foreign country by myself.
Ordinary little things suddenly felt huge and stressful. Getting money changed over. Connecting to the Wi-Fi to contact my parents and friends. Using Ride Share to find a taxi. And all the while trying to remember to say “hello” and “thank you” in French, not English. I realized once I was finally in the cab and my heartrate was allowed to slow, that I had no faith in myself. I’d pretty much always let other people take control on my behalf. No wonder my parents had been terrified when I moved to Jersey. They didn’t know how I’d be able to fend for myself.
