Page 89 of Sparks
“He knows her, probably better than anyone,” Silas said. “He had to know she was the jealous type and that if she found out about another woman wanting him it would make her get serious.” I shook my head again, but he went on. “Think about it, Harlow. It was a win-win for him, either way.”
My stomach turned. I could see how Silas saw it that way. Kind of like how I could only see the negative aspects of Natalie and Jacquie. And maybe it did give Shawn a sense of comfort that he would have a woman one way or the other. Either the mother of his child, making them a complete family of three, or the exciting, younger flight attendant who he could have adventures with. But I truly didn’t believe Shawn wanted to hurt either of us.
The waitress brought our checks and we both put down cash. When she walked away, Silas asked, “So, if their wedding ultimately gets cancelled, and he wants you back, will you be with him?”
My mouth went completely dry as I looked at Silas. I wanted to lie and say, “I’d have to think about it,” when really, I knew I’d say yes right away. I’d run to Shawn. I’d be on the first flight to him.
Silas nodded. “Okay.” I opened my mouth and closed it again. His eyes were drooping at the edges again. God, he looked so hurt. How had this happened? One stupid freaking moment of weakness had literally ruined everything between us. First, I’d let us have sex. Then I’d let him take me on a date when he’d been separated for mere days. And all the while I had feelings for another man. I was the worst. I’d been so worried about getting hurt, and here I was doing the hurting now.
“Silas. God, I’m so sorry.”
“We should get going.” He stood and slid his wallet into his back pocket.
My stomach felt like it’d been punched with an iron fist. I followed him from the restaurant, shrugging into my jacket and pulling it tight against the cool Pennsylvania night as we walked through the lot.
“If he decides he wants you,” Silas said. “Be sure to let him know you fucked another man in the meantime.”
I stopped and faced him, aghast at his attitude and feeling defensive. “Why are you being like this? We had sex for, like, two seconds. We can’t let it become—” I waved my arms frantically “—this huge thing!”
His jaw locked as he peered down at me, and I swear his lips twitched like he wanted to say so much. We were standing too close. I could smell him again. My chest was rising and falling too fast and his eyes were dilated as if I’d challenged him. My mouth went completely dry as I remembered Cheryl’s words.You need to finish what you started.
“Two seconds,” he murmured, sounding overly seductive in his feelings. I audibly gasped as he moved forward and pressed his forehead to mine, our bodies touching, breaths intertwining. Oh, my God. Our eyes locked and I flushed from head to toe with hot lust. His eyes were like fire.
“You’re right,” he said. “No big deal.” Silas straightened and walked toward the hotel, his steps brisk. I had to force my overwhelmed body to suck in a lungful of air, then jog to catch up with him.
“Silas.” He ignored me. In my effort to minimize the damage between us, I feared I’d just made it so much worse. What if I’d just sent him straight into the arms of our sexy pilot? I scowled a little at the thought of her mature, independent, drama-free, older-womanness. I bet she wouldn’t turn down ‘two seconds’ from him. Ugh!
He opened the door to the hotel with a stiff arm and held it until I went in. When we got to our hall I said, “Good night.” Silas held up a hand and nodded, then went his separate way without a backward glance. I watched his tall, lean frame as he went. It was hard to imagine him being single. He’d been off limits the whole time I’d known him, and now my brain was so Shawn-centered that I wasn’t able to be there for Silas the way he needed. Instead, I’d let things get overly complicated. The timing of all this could not have been worse.
In my room, I pulled out my phone and saw that I had social media notifications. I wasn’t very active online these days, so that surprised me. It looked like I had three pictures liked by a user named S.Fowl.
Holy shit. Shawn Fowler.
I pulled up the images and clicked on his icon. New account. No information. Only one picture. His smiling face. My entire body reacted, a buzz of electricity zapping up my spine and causing a ripple of goose flesh to come alive all over me. I let out a laugh and felt my heart pumping overtime. He’d liked two pictures of me with my flight attendant friends, and one picture of my mom and me. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I sent him a message:Hey! Are you okay? What are you doing?
It took five minutes for him to respond.I’m doing okay. Still working on things here. Had our first therapy session today. How are you?
Wait. What? They were…but…what the hell was happening? All of my excitement fizzled.
I’m confused,I wrote. Why did you open an account and like my pictures if you guys are working on things?
I paced the room as another five minutes passed. Finally!
I was thinking about you. I needed to know you were okay. I still feel horrible.
I gritted my teeth and threw the phone on the bed, grasping my hair and breathing hard. I was so stupid. I’d really thought…for a second I’d let myself hope. I snatched up the phone and typed fast.
You can’t do this. You can’t walk in and out of my life. You don’t know how it made me feel just now to see your profile and the likes you sent. This fucking hurts, Shawn!
I’m sorry, he typed back and I let out a quiet scream, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth.The last thing I want is to hurt you even more. I’ll leave you alone.
I don’t want to hear from you again unless you’re single. I mean it.
I understand. Take care, Harlow.
Damn him! Stupid, stupid man! And stupid, stupid me! I paced the room with my hands in fists wanting so badly to scream at the top of my lungs. I was so tired of feeling this way. So tired of being at the whim of my emotions and having no appetite.
