Page 75 of Sparks
“Don’t say that.” In the space of a heartbeat my tears dried, and my sadness turned to anger and defiance. “Do you expect me to sit over here, waiting around, filled with hope that I might get to be your sloppy seconds someday? That’s totally fucked up! If you’re breaking things off with me, Shawn, break it off for goodand mean it.”
He paused a long while and I closed my eyes, my teeth clenched, a hand on my forehead as I waited.
“For the record, I would have never thought of you as sloppy seconds, but you’re right. It would be selfish of me to try and leave things open.” He paused a beat, his voice softening. “It’s over, Harlow. For good. You should move on.”
I nodded. And I kept nodding. Something inside of me hardened. “Good luck, Shawn.”
I hung up, fully and unequivocally wrecked.
Ihad the next day off from work. On a whim, I called the airline.
“Is there room on the last flight out to Norfolk?”
“Yes, we’ve actually got a few seats. But it leaves in an hour and fifteen.”
“I can make it.” I hung up and shoved a change of clothes in my bag with a few other things. Then I went out into the living room where every one of my roommates sat waiting. All eyes went to me, then my bag.
“It’s over with Shawn,” I said, almost collapsing at the shocking weight of the words. “I’m going to fly home tonight. See my parents. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Rhea stood, but I literally would break down if anyone tried to hug me.
“I have to go, I’m late. I’ll text you guys.” I rushed from the apartment, feeling guilt for pushing away my friends on top of everything else. Luckily traffic wasn’t too bad. I parked, shuttled, and ran through employee security, getting to my gate ten minutes before takeoff. I sat in the middle between a goth teen with earbuds and an older man who eyed me as if he wanted to get chatty. I quickly put on my headphones, though nothing was playing, and laid my head back, closing my eyes.
Don’t think,I told myself.Don’t think.If I let myself think I would start to feel all the things, and I would make a scene by crying on the plane.
I’d texted my mom from the shuttle and she was beyond thrilled that I’d be coming for a visit, even if only one day. I’d always been close and open with my parents, but in the past month since they’d been traveling, and I’d been busy, I had hardly spoken with them. We had a lot of catching up to do.
They met me outside of the gates and as I went into their smiling embraces, I began to tremble, not wanting to let go.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” Mom asked. I was too overwhelmed to respond.
“Okay,” Dad said, taking charge and putting my bag over his own shoulder. “Let’s get to the car.”
It was late, almost midnight. Thankfully they only lived fifteen minutes from the small airport and it was easy to get in and out of. In the time it took to get home, I’d told them nearly everything about Shawn. I left out how he’d come to see me straight from Japan and we’d blown each others’ minds. I felt pretty gross about that now.
We pulled up at home and Mom took me in another hug. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
Dad’s face was hard. “A marine officer? Shame on him.”
I wiped my cheeks. “I knew better, though. I think my intuition was trying to warn me by making me feel guilty all along and I just ignored it.” How could I have been so stupid?
Mom stroked my hair. “Bet you’ll never do that again. We live and we learn.” She kissed my forehead. “Come on. Your bed is waiting.”
My old room smelled like a plethora of Victoria Secret sprays and Bath and Body Works lotions. I gazed at the pictures along my mirror. I’d left up just one of me with my ex from our senior year of high school. I’d broken his heart when I left him. And now I’d had my own heart broken. Would I ever find someone like Shawn who checked every single box and more? Someone who really got me and was fascinated by my silly everyday life? Shawn had become my good morning and my good night. He’d filled up so much of my life with his bright light that now everything felt dark and cold.
And I was angry. Angry at him. Angry at Natalie. Angry at myself. Angry that I wanted him so deeply.
I climbed into bed and let myself cry like I’d done after my last big breakup. I had nobody to blame but myself. I was the worst kind of fool. Eventually, at some point, I fell asleep.
“Knock, knock, knock. Rise and shine.”
I opened my bleary eyes to see Mom’s smiling face coming at me with a plate of food.
“Mom,” I croaked, pushing myself to sit up and looking at the clock. Six-thirty.
“I thought we could eat and take a walk at the beach before church. It’s going to be almost sixty degrees today!” She placed the plate on my lap. I wish I could say the egg and bacon looked appetizing, but I was truly not myself.
“Thank you,” I told her, forcing a smile.
