Page 49 of Sparks
“That’s not fair,” I said softly. “I’m so sorry. That’s an impossible situation to be caught in.”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “I really thought if I took it she would come. That she might not be excited at first, but…”
My freaking heart ached. “But that she’d come to accept it? And you’d all be together, and it would bring you closer?”
He let out a caustic laugh. “Yep. That.”
“Some things can’t be forced, Shawn. Personally, I think she’s making the wrong decision.” I bit my lip, wishing I hadn’t said it. I didn’t know Natalie at all and my opinion shouldn’t matter.
“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe this is exactly what needs to happen so we can be done once and for all. It’s just Bennett…” His voice lowered to nearly a whisper. “He’s my little prince. I can’t imagine only seeing him once or twice a year.”
I had no words. “I wish I could hug you.”
For a second, I felt nervous until he said, “That’s exactly what I need, actually. Can you fly down?”
I laughed. “If only.”
“Let’s just say I didn’t get a hug good-bye when she left today. Pretty much the only person I get any affection from is Bennett. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since Natalie touched me.”
“Really?” I felt my face scrunching in disbelief.
“Yeah. Long time.” He cleared his throat. I could tell he was reluctant to talk about it, but at the same time needed to say it. “She’s always tired from traveling, or not feeling well. Or when we’re at her parents’ house we can’t touch unless her parents are sleeping. And by the time they’re asleep she’s usually asleep too.”
“Yikes.” How could she not want to jump this man’s bones? Relationships were so baffling. People used to wonder the same thing about me and Don. “You don’t think there’s another man, do you?”
“No, I really don’t. She’s one of those very independent women who doesn’t need a man at all.”
“Got it,” I said.
We were both quiet for a long moment. Talking to Shawn always filled me with conflicting emotions. The more we talked the more it felt right, and that scared me. A sense of wrongness overwhelmed me at that realization as I thought of his fiancé and what the two of them were dealing with.
“Shawn…we shouldn’t be doing this.” He started to talk, but I rushed forward. “I mean it. What if our friendship, or whatever this is, gets in the way of you guys being able to grow closer and work it out?”
“Honestly, Harlow, even before I met you we were growing farther and farther apart every day.”
I bit my lip. “I just feel really bad when I think about her.”
He was quiet for a moment. “You’re a good person. You’re sweet and kind to worry. But I promise, me talking to you is not interfering in me and Nat working things out.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, but I hated the melancholy in his voice, like he hadn’t been treated with gentleness or nurtured in a long while. Was I judging her? I didn’t want to. I rubbed my face.
“So. How’s Sparks treating you?”
I groaned. “It’s awful.”
“Why? What’s happened since we last talked?”
“Nothing.” I covered my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. “I totally don’t want to talk about it. The dating world is just a really big disaster for someone like me.”
“What does that mean, someone like you?”
“Someone who actually wants to get to know someone and have a relationship, not just hook up.”
“Ah. Well, don’t lower your standards for anyone, Harlow. Don’t ever settle.”
I smiled, though I felt a little sad. “Thanks.”
“You probably have to get up early, huh?”
