Page 94 of Kiss Collector
“You’ve been in la-la land today,” Monica says.
“What did you need to talk to Mrs. Hartt about?” Lin asks.
Kenzie hunches a little.
They know I’ve come to a decision. For a moment I balk, ready to lie so I can avoid this, but I have to tell them eventually. They deserve my honesty. But I’m worried. I’m scared they’ll try to make me change my mind. I’m even more terrified they’ll succeed, and I’ll chicken out of going. I still haven’t confirmed with Mrs. Crowley.
I take a deep breath and say quietly, “I’m going.”
The three of them stare at me. I feel everything inside. I’m excited for this chance but already mourning the times I won’t have with these girls. I’m filled with hope and loss all at once, and it’s making me fragile. I don’t know if I can handle their sadness. I can’t handle any guilt or negativity. I’m too weak and damaged.
What I’m not expecting is all three of them to come at me and tackle me in a group hug, holding me so tight I can barely breathe, their love and acceptance acting as glue to every brittle crack I’ve come to carry. They mend my heart and strengthen my soul. And as they hug me I realize this is not the end for us. High school is not the end. It is just the beginning. Come what may, near or far, we are a team. This is my squad.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Things feel different since I’ve made my decision and solidified it with Mrs. Crowley. All the drama that used to feel like such a big deal suddenly carries no weight. People gossiping about me? Doesn’t matter. Bad hair day? Who cares! My entire outlook on life has changed. With my new attitude, plus the end-of-year buzz, I feel on top of the world.
The girls are frantic about tryouts. Not that they’re in danger of not making it, but learning and perfecting the new cheers and dance in four days is always stressful. We meet in Kenzie’s basement after tryout practice every night. I control the music as they work on the dance, and I critique them. Except for Wednesdays when I have to work.
Mrs. McOllie is sad to be losing me in three months, but says, “I’ll take what I can get from you!” which makes me feelgood. I’m saving as much as I can to have spending money while I’m away, and Mrs. McOllie says I’m welcome to work during the month that I’m home at Christmas. We’ll see. I might have to take her up on it so I can go shopping in Paris.
Paris! I have to pinch myself daily.
The girls make the squad, of course, and our next stressor is final exams, and for me, signing up for those two online classes. But this stress feels different. It feels like a necessary evil, a burden of responsibility that will let me move forward. So I try to embrace it.
I’m glad to be on cloud nine, otherwise I’d be harping on and on about why my mystery poem guy has stopped writing, and why Joel has sort of avoided me since prom. I haven’t seen him and Sierra talking anymore, but that doesn’t mean they’re not hanging out behind the scenes. I’m not sure what I did to him, but maybe it’s better this way. A guy right now would complicate things. Still, I kind of miss him.
Since school is almost out, I write a note and stick it through the slats of my locker, poking out just enough for mystery poet to hopefully see it.
I don’t know who you are. I wish you would tell me, but I guess you have your reasons. I need to thank you. You don’t know it, but you helped me through a really hard time in my life. There were some days when your words were the only good thing. So thank you. I’ll never forget you. Zae
When I go back later, the note is gone but nothing is left in its place.
On the last day of school there’s a huge crowd in the main hall after the final bell.
“Is there a fight?” Kenzie asks.
And then I hear someone say, “Rap battle!”
What? Yes! I smile at Kenzie, and we wiggle our way to the front. When we get close enough to see, my feet come to a skidding halt and Kenzie slaps my arm.
“It’s your friend Joel!”
Holy crap! Joel’s standing in the middle, arms crossed, hat on backward, feet spread, staring at a straight-faced Kwami like they’re about to fight. All around us people are cramming in. Some girls are hoisted up on shoulders to watch. Some climb on top of lockers. I hear the gym coach shout, “What’s going on here?” And a student says, “Hurry up, y’all!” People are holding up their phones to record.
Kwami’s voice rises, hushing the crowd. I feel nervous and excited.
“Y’all, break out your phones, get those vid buttons hit,
’Cause I’m takin’ on white boy, it’s about to get lit!”He steps to Joel and goes on.
“Imma take you to task, wipe the floor with these rags.
Dirty up that yellow head, walk out wit money in bags.”
Joel claps back without hesitation and the hairs on my arms stand straight up.
“You can go ahead and try, you know I love a good laugh.
