Page 86 of Kiss Collector
“Oh. With anyone?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why not?”
I shrug. “I just really don’t feel like it.”
His lips pull to the side, and he nods. “Okay, then. See you around.” And he runs off toward the baseball field.
“Zae,” Kenzie starts.
“I’m serious,” I tell her for the millionth time. And then it hits me. If I don’t go this year, and I’m in France next year at this time, that means I won’t have gone to any proms. I start shaking.
“Why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Lin asks.
“I feel like there’s stuff you’re not telling us.” Monica cocks her head at me.
Ugh, why can they read me so well?
“Guys...”
“You’re scaring me.” Kenzie twines her fingers through mine.
“Do you have a minute,” I ask. “Before I have to drive?”
They exchange glances and nod.
“But you have to promise me you won’t try to give me advice or pressure me about what I’m gonna tell you. I know that sounds weird, but I need you to just... listen.”
Another round of glances is exchanged, this time alarmed, and I can’t blame them. We move to the side and sit on the grass, away from students and teachers, and I tell them everything. It’s the first time ever that all four of us cry together. Lin’s tears are usually stored in a steel vault. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her cry.
Nobody says anything, they just cry, and I know we’re all thinking the same thing. We knew things would change when we graduated. But to take one of us out of the equation a year early would mean that soon, very soon, nothing would ever be the same for the four of us. It would be the end of our carefree days together. But if I stay, we’ll have one more year together. Then again, if they get serious with Dean, Vincent, and Parker, and they all cheer without me, things will be changing anyway... I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do.
They stick to their promise and don’t try to sway me one way or the other, even though part of me wants to screamTell me what to do!
We’re quiet and thoughtful the whole drive home.
Mom wraps me in a long hug when I walk in the door, and I let her hold me. Zebby, usually clueless, says, “What’s going on? You’re both acting weird.”
Instead of answering, I go over and hug him, too, rocking him back and forth as his arms swing and flop until he wiggles away and says, “Never mind, I don’t even want to know.” I’m glad to hear it, because I can’t handle another single tear today.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
In the course of five days, I’ve successfully decided on giving Mrs. Crowley an absolute yes, and then a firm no, no less than fifty times, back and forth.
Oh, and no more poems, though I scour my locker and the floor around it every day. Mystery poet has probably had a change of heart. I don’t want a fickle guy anyway.
Prom is this weekend, and the entire junior and senior classes are stressing. Between dresses, tuxedo rentals, corsages, limos, nail and hair appointments, and finding last-minute dates, school has taken on a humming atmosphere of anticipation. Everyone wants everything to be perfect, and I’m extra glad not to have those worries. My friends have helped deflect boys who want to ask me—and thankfully most of them ask my friends first, like, “Hey, does Zae have a date yet?” Andthey tell them I’m not going. So far, the only one who showed interest that I felt bad about was Taro.
But by the end of the week, all those stray guys find girls to ask, and hardly anyone is left without a date. Some groups of friends choose to go together. It’s funny how everything works out.
I do feel sad... and left out, though I know it’s of my own device. I’m regretting now that I’m not going to at least be with my friends. On Friday I go to Mrs. Hartt, who’s running the prom court. Kenzie comes with me for moral support.
“There you are!” Mrs. Hartt smiles. “I’ve got your prom ticket and sash.” She digs around on her desk and pulls out a big yellow envelope with my name on it. “I’m so proud of my girls. Do you know this is the first time in nine years that all three nominees are cheerleaders?” She holds out the envelope, but I don’t take it.
“I didn’t buy a ticket.”
“You get one free since you’re on the court.” She shoves the stuff into my arms.
